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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2220117-I-Can-Do-It
by Intuey
Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2220117
Baby, the toilet's stopped up. Should I call a plumber? No, I can do it!
         "Baby, the toilet's stopped up. Should I call a plumber?"

         "No, I'll fix it. There's not any sense in calling a plumber and wasting money." My husband, Daniel said innocently.

         "Baby," I gently nudged, wrapping my arms around him, "do you remember the leak in the basement? You didn't want me to call a plumber then either, and you ended up swimming through the water. Not only that, but we ended up having to pay a lot more than we would have if we had called the plumber right away. Come on, Baby, let me call a plumber." I sweetly said, while kissing his earlobes.

         "That was just a freak accident. I can handle the toilet. There's nothing to it."

         Rolling my eyes, I pulled away. "Okay, Honey. Have it your way!" I knew there wasn't any chance of talking him out of it.

         I heard him in the bathroom mumbling under his breath. The water in the toilet wouldn't go down. He had to get a bucket and a pitcher to spoon the dirty water out before he could remove it from the floor. I walked through the bathroom door just in time to see it splash up into his face!

         "Oh man! That is so nasty!" He yelled, spitting, and tsking. I grabbed my belly, doubling over. My laughter smothered out his sounds of disgust.

         I grabbed a washcloth and wiped his face for him. All the while, snickering under my breath.

         "Oh, you think it's funny, do you?" Grabbing me, he holds me tight. I struggle to get free. I know him all too well, and scream, tossing my head back and forth, squeezing my eyes tightly shut. Like that's going to help. He pulls me to him, laying a big, fat, toilet water kiss onto my lips!

         "That was not funny, Daniel!" I said, giggling, and washing my face, spitting every few seconds.

         "That was disgusting. Truly."

         He finally was able to pull the toilet up and was concentrating hard on snaking out the pipe. The sweet gurgling sound of water pulled down the drain filled the air. He let out a celebrational, Whoop-whoop!Then placed the toilet atop a new plumber's ring, and fastened her down.

         "Ouch!"

         I went in to see what had happened. He squished his finger because he forgot he was supposed to move it out of the way, before setting the toilet down. He was almost home free. But now he was running his already blue fingernail under cool water. I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for him.

         "Awww, poor baby," I said while kissing his finger. "Is that better?"

         He shot me a screw you look.
"Stop! It's fine! Let me get done!"


         The toilet was fully installed. Time for the real test, acting like he wasn't worried at all, (even though I knew he was), he reached up and pulled the handle down. The water swirled around the toilet, and with great suction swallowed it down! We didn't have to call a plumber after all. I gladly ate my words.

         "Baby, I'm so proud of you. You did an awesome job!"

         " Thanks, Sweetie. I'm going to take a shower. Care to join me?"

         "Sure, I could use a shower."

         When the water was nice and warm, we stepped in. It felt so nice. I started to wash his back when the washcloth slipped from my hand. When I bent down to grab it, it was then I noticed that we were wading in water up to our ankles!

         "Aw, man! Honey, look the water's not draining. I'm going to have to call a plumber after all."

         "No, you don't need to call the plumber. I can do it."

(621 Words)
Entered into "The Comedy Club Contest [18+]
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2220117-I-Can-Do-It