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Helping Hands understanding Narcissism

Helping Hands Vol. 3


Understanding Narcissism

Are you Narcissistic? When speaking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, we must understand that disorder is categorized as a mental illness. Personality disorders are categorized as a mental illness as well. Narcissism usually affects men; however women can be diagnosed with this disorder. A narcissistic person is a person that deems themselves more important than anyone else. They are focused on themselves, and they seek out individuals that are emotionally sensitive. They prefer people who are good natured and focused on serving others and not themselves. This is where a narcissist thrives, they thrive off intimidation and can have a vampire demeanor about themselves. The trick to a narcissistic person is understanding that they have low self-esteem. They can only be content when they serve themselves and others are serving them. Narcissism can be genetic, and research is still being conducted to understand what makes a person lack empathy and sympathy for others.

What is Narcissism? Narcissistic people are perceiving the world from their animalistic nature in whole. They perceive themselves as the king of the jungle and everyone else are their prey. The narcissistic person camouflages themselves as a normal person. There lies the deception, they observe what is socially acceptable around them and they copycat that behavior. They truly do not understand what it is like to support another person, they never have. They truly cannot comprehend hurt feelings because they never hold themselves accountable. Most narcissistic people will never apologize if they do it will be from a sarcastic perspective. They will paint you as the bad person for even suggesting that they are wrong. They will go as far to recall information that you shared with them to support their failed logic.

How to handle a Narcissistic person? Understanding their psychological makeup is first and your most valuable weapon. They are grandiose, callous, unemotional, disregard for other's feelings, excessive need for admiration and social isolation. They will become disappointed or even angry when they do not receive the admiration, they believe they are entitled.

  • The best way to handle narcissistic people is by boundaries.

  • Do not give into their manipulation of your feelings and be stern about your own feelings. (Speak up)

  • Stop focusing on them and their demands.

  • Be honest with yourself and them regarding their narcissistic behavior.

  • Stop the emotional abuse and if necessary distant yourself.

  • Suggest counseling and other resources for them and yourself.

Are children Narcissistic? Children can be excluded from the label of "narcissistic". The reason behind this is because they are growing up and still interpreting their world around them. Children including teens and young adults may shows signs of being self-centered, but it is temporary unless they are specifically being raised to be self-centered. Social media has created an avenue or a vice if you will, for children, teenagers, young adults, adults and the elderly to focus on themselves and seek attention from others. This is not a personality disorder but more of a bridge to developing one. Seeking the approval of others stem from low self-esteem and depression. Children naturally are to seek the approval from their parents to feel safe and build good self-esteem. As the child grows, they should be able to feel good about themselves with out seeking approval from others at a vast rate. We all seek approval in our homes, churches, book clubs, schools, etc. The issue of narcissism comes in when the brain can not function without constant approval or attention. Next, is the issue of lying to a fault. Narcissistic people lie for sport and they have become great at it. They will tell a lie at the drop of a hat and they are incapable of recalling their previous lies. Their point is to say whatever they can to get whatever they want at the time. They have crafted this ability very quickly to cover their own inadequacies. Children tell fibs, and if caught will confess, apologize, or deal with their punishment.

A narcissistic person will oftentimes shutdown completely, they will blame you for mistreating them, they will double down on the same lie using new lies. A narcissistic person is a con- artist, they can smell a person that is kind, truthful, loving and empathic. These are the people he/she surrounds themselves with, and when one of them crosses a narcissistic person, in what they perceive to be negative; they turn everyone against that person. The reason narcissistic people shut a person out is because that person has set boundaries and no longer gives them the attention they crave. They do not want the other people around them to know the truth. They are working strategically to turn everyone against one another while maintaining the loyalty of everyone to themselves.

A narcissistic person has some trauma in their lives that may have molded them to become this way; however, this has become a chess game to them and nothing more. They care for no one and are only interested in satisfying self. If you are close to a person with narcissism it is best to set boundaries and exit stage left. Once you have separated yourself, you can then suggest they seek help for their disorder. If it is a family member you can make your observations and recommend treatment to them. When drug abuse is involved and even when it is not, narcissistic people can become physically abusive. If they feel they have a lot to lose by someone calling them out, they can resort to dire measures to save themselves.

In closing, observation is key and listen to your gut instincts. If you feel scared around a narcissistic person, do not confront them alone. When distancing yourself be stern and do not give in. This will in turn cause a narcissistic person to go the other way, you no longer serve their needs. All the information I presented today and more can be found at Psychology Today website, or NIH.gov. I wish you all great mental health and smooth healing from a Helping Hand.

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