Fear has brought great things into my life and how I face them
Growing up I have always been told to "Don't try it that is dangerous" "You will be killed " without even explaining why it is dangerous, normally I would agree because they say it is not safe to be to try certain things that is new to me.
All of my life ( I may say all of my young life) I am surrounded with fear especially trying new things that I am curious of : but when I asks the adults that I have learned to respect "they" never give me a clear explanation why. All I hear was "It is dangerous" or the worst answer is "You will understand things when you are at the right age".
This has made me question, when is the right age? To take a risk or try new things. I always fear to fail because I was taught not try because if I do I get hurt and if I fail "they "will just say "It is better not to try because it will harm you",
I remember the time when I ditched from school, I was Grade 2 then and I got really bored in the afternoon classes, (I had a whole day class) One my classmates who also doesn't like to be in the classroom, so, this classmate invited me to visit a beautiful playground near our school and we will cross a very long road, big trucks would pass by that road. To make the long story short, we arrived at the playground it was the best place ever and without knowing the time, I never thought I of our classmate went to my father's working place to tell him that I ditched class in the afternoon and went to the playground.
My father upset and punished me, hit me with the buckle of his belt and I have realized he knew about it and he was never contented of what he did when we arrived home from his work he punished me again without even knowing what is the reason. I know I have an offense but he never asks me why I ditched school.
Never even explain why he has to do that, all I know, he is my father he has the right to do that.
With that experience fear has shielded me to do something I want to do like try.
All I know that I will only obey what "they" think is good for me without asking me if I agree or not.
Fear blocks my real me, I pretend to be strong but deep inside I never have the strength to speak for myself and I just follow even if I know something is not right.
Afraid to be mocked, laughed at and even fear if someone does not like me.
Fear has a lot of faces: to express, to write, to love, to tell the truth and even the fear to be yourself. (I have to pretend that I am super good and an obedient daughter) though I know I am a good daughter but I want to try things myself and learned by myself.
Facing fear has brought great things to my life, Now, I can face whatever challenges may come, I have learned to fail, one failure that I have is I never face my fears early. People will always say it is not too late to face those fears. Stand up and dust yourself. Move forward face more fears ( If that word exist).
The experiences I had made me a better person now and knowing myself loving myself and accepting who I am and what is my strengths and weaknesses , fear will not kill me,
This time I have to face fear with confidence and tell myself I can do this, Everything has a reason why it has come, fear will make me fail but I have the choice to remain on the ground or stand up to face all again and finished the fight.
June 1, 2020
Sweet Benzerella Sunshine