you know what time it is.
|Welcome to Terribleville's annual battle of the bands. We have three great Terrible bands for you today. The first band has its roots in heavy metal, and are known for their breakfast-themed songs. Their hit single, Early Morning Sausage Fest, won a Terribli and was the first song people paid to take off the air. Here they are singing their new schlock no one wants to here, Bacon Bits. Remember, the biggest boo wins.
A group of long-haired, tattooed, and leather-clad men took the stage. The shaggiest of the bunch with "Bacon 4 Life" Tattooed on his left forearm took the mike. "I am Brian Bratwurst, and this is Bacon Bits. We have a brand new song for you today. Its called, "Is maple syrup enough?"
The heavy metal guitars started nearly blowing the hair right off the front row. Brian screamed into the mic.
"You're making pancakes in the morning. Starting the day right. You look at the plastic bottle filled with brown liquid and stuff. You have to ask, is maple syrup enough?"
The bass and lead guitar smooshed their faces against Brians and screamed with him. "Is maple syrup enough? You got choices of Jam, chocolate, whip cream, all of them can make breakfast a dream."
Brian knelt and touched some screaming female fans. "Breakfast built for two, the full spread a delight for the eyes. The girl looks down and starts speaking rough, turns to you, and says, is maple syrup enough?"
Brian ran back and shoved the mic in the drummer's face, "Is maple syrup enough? You got choices of jam, chocolate, and whip cream, all of them can make breakfast a dream.
Brian broke out in a five-minute kazoo solo and bowed. The crowd booed, and a large hook tore the members of Bacon bits from the stage.
The host returned and smiled. Wasn't that terrible? You could feel the cheese oozing off the stage. Speaking of which, our next band is no stranger to cheese, cottage, or otherwise. Their newest single Hay and Sunshine hit the charts and stayed on the bottom all year. I give you the stylings of Farm Life and their new song Early morning chores Fool
The hip hop beat started, and a group of middle-aged farmers rushed the stage. "Get your pitchforks in the air. Get your Pitchforks in the air. Five am rooster crows, and who knows what weather. You don't have time to waste, get it together. You have to be on the ball. Jump straight from pajamas, into overalls. Breakfast is at eight, and you reach for your tools. You know with Farm Life it's early morning chores fool. "
The baldest of the pair took the mic "Early morning chores, working down on the farm. I keep to myself. I ain't causing harm. Early morning more chores are here to stay. Pay attention fool, or the chickens will getaway."
The song went on for another ten minutes. Farm life was on their tenth verse when a trapdoor opened up, and they vanished from the stage.
"Sorry folks Farm life was sucking out loud. Our next band comes from the mean streets of Toronto. They were standing in line at the soup kitchen and came up with the Kleenex Box Banjo Blues Band, or Triple B for short. Their twisted sound of trash can lid, and bricks hitting the pavement, was prominent in their first album called Slightly Homeless. Put your best frown on for The Cardboard Box Band."
A group of disheveled men and women took the stage. The toothless woman started playing the banjo in a blues fashion. She opened her mouth and sang. "Tommy was a homeless boy. He fell in love with a rich girl. Her daddy thought he was smelly and kicked him out the door. The rich girl searched every soup kitchen and shelter for her smelly lover. Little did she know the terrible secret she would uncover."
An obese man took over, "Old Tommy could never be her lover. A DNA test proved he was her brother. She sat there and cried while her daddy lied about his affair. She got so mad she tore out her hair..."
"Looks we have a winner, the Kleenex Box Banjo Blues Band wins this year Terribli Award for the worst new band."