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How I feel after the death of my wife. Please respect. |
As I spoke to a friend of my wife who asked how my life has been. Since the loss of the love of my life I have to raise up my chin. I say in no uncertain words, no lies “I am living each day and I'll be okay”. But what they do not realize there are varying shades of the day. There are times when the sun is bright and my life knows any bounds. All I feel is what is right and all who love me surrounds. I feel that I'll be okay and that I will turn my life around. It is almost as my soul will weigh the proverbial penny for a pound. There are times the sky turns grey and white like rain on a window, beating and overcast. These are the times I feel on my soul the bite of a potential life that floated past. These are the times I shed my tears and cry heavily for the life I lost. These are the times my soul truly sears because I have forseen deeply the cost. There are times clouds and winds appear this is when I get enraged and anger fills my soul. These are the lowest points when I fear destruction is my only goal. I am at my lowest here in my life seeking to destroy all that I see. I rage and curse at the loss of my wife and what that matters is all but me. And finally there is the ice and snow which sometimes I endured. This is when I have to realize this is my new life I am assured. This is truly when my heart slowly I feel turning into ice. I turn away from all that is holy knowing what of the price. This is not what she wanted of us I know this to my very core. She loved to live, and to love thus I am saddened she didn't get more. She simply wanted to love and live and be loved and to learn. I am saddened that what happened cut her life short in return. So to those who speak to me, saying, “Take it a day at a time”. I thank them but know inside, for her I will always pine. Words are gracious and although feathery they are comfort to the bereaved. They truly do justice to the memory of a life so shortly cleaved. So to finalize this memorial I write before I drop my pen. Please note I loved her soul no less than the previous years before then. The Scotsman I am no longer, without my Viking I lost that role. I am only trying to grow stronger and gather what's left of my soul. |