Shades of the Day

As I spoke to a friend of my wife
who asked how my life has been.
Since the loss of the love of my life
I have to raise up my chin.
I say in no uncertain words, no lies
“I am living each day and I'll be okay”.
But what they do not realize
there are varying shades of the day.

There are times when the sun is bright
and my life knows any bounds.
All I feel is what is right
and all who love me surrounds.
I feel that I'll be okay
and that I will turn my life around.
It is almost as my soul will weigh
the proverbial penny for a pound.

There are times the sky turns grey and white
like rain on a window, beating and overcast.
These are the times I feel on my soul the bite
of a potential life that floated past.
These are the times I shed my tears
and cry heavily for the life I lost.
These are the times my soul truly sears
because I have forseen deeply the cost.

There are times clouds and winds appear
this is when I get enraged and anger fills my soul.
These are the lowest points when I fear
destruction is my only goal.
I am at my lowest here in my life
seeking to destroy all that I see.
I rage and curse at the loss of my wife
and what that matters is all but me.

And finally there is the ice and snow
which sometimes I endured.
This is when I have to realize
this is my new life I am assured.
This is truly when my heart slowly
I feel turning into ice.
I turn away from all that is holy
knowing what of the price.

This is not what she wanted of us
I know this to my very core.
She loved to live, and to love thus
I am saddened she didn't get more.
She simply wanted to love and live
and be loved and to learn.
I am saddened that what happened
cut her life short in return.

So to those who speak to me,
saying, “Take it a day at a time”.
I thank them but know inside,
for her I will always pine.
Words are gracious and although feathery
they are comfort to the bereaved.
They truly do justice to the memory
of a life so shortly cleaved.

So to finalize this memorial I write
before I drop my pen.
Please note I loved her soul no less
than the previous years before then.
The Scotsman I am no longer,
without my Viking I lost that role.
I am only trying to grow stronger
and gather what's left of my soul.

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