Journey of a Girl Trying to Save Herself
|She was in her bed wide awake trying oh so hard for her brain to stop so she could finally get some sleep. Sleep, was it? or was it her escape. Escape from all the troubles of the world, escape from thinking about each and everything for hours, escape from feeling everything so deeply. Or maybe escape from herself?
She was ambitious, she was fierce, she was strong and liked having everything sorted, her entire life planned. But despite all this she was once again broken. This time it was because her marriage was at the verge of breaking. There was no way things could get better, her marriage was a toxic and abusive one and she knew deep down she could only choose one: this marriage or herself. This time, she decided to choose herself, it was a first. She was so close to having a normal life, a family a home of her own, finally get loved by someone, someone who would guard her and care for her but the reality was very different from all her fairy tale fantasies. Neither her marriage nor her husband were anything like what she had thought, she tried to make it work but this is what happens in toxic relations they start consuming you. She was lucky enough to realize it before losing herself completely.
What was it that was bothering her so much? Was it the pain of shattered dreams? Was it the bleakness of her future that she could see already? Was it knowing that she might end up alone forever or was it WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME? Whatever it was, it was hurting...badly. She tried to keep it under control but her overly active mind and overly sensitive heart kept on reminding her of what had happened. She would either have tears flowing non stop from her beautiful almond shaped eyes or would just sit there for hours... blankly...in denial. Once again the people around her (This time her husband and in laws) showed her that she was worthless and it was challenging for her to survive this battle.
Her heart of gold was aching. She deserved better, she deserved love but this world was too cruel to give her that. No one was going to come to her rescue, it was her battle and she had to fight and win it on her own. Her soul was drained, exhausted by all the pain she had faced all her life.