My first post, as part of a competition
|How I lost my girlfriend and what I did about it:
I saw my girlfriend on top of a copy machine where I work, photocopying her ass while having sex. I knew it had been a long week, and absolutely refused to deal with it in my mind. It wasn’t my style. I was much more of a passive aggressive person, I would wait until she brought up something stupid; I didn’t mow the lawn, or put away the dishes, and just while she was bitching me out about that, I would bring up her affair. It would be bringing a gun to a knife fight.
As I said, I hated arguments with her. But the next time we fought was at dinner. My girlfriend was a wineo. She told me I hadn’t picked up the wine she liked, instead opting for a box of cheap stuff, (figuring what the hell, it would be gone in the same amount of time) and then I pulled it out, as if pulling out a grenade. I said, “Yeah, well I suppose you will just have to go over to Justin’s house, seeing as I can no longer satisfy you.” And we fought. And I won. And she left. But she left the box of wine too. Not caring that I had work the next day, I called over all of my college friends and they brought liquor, and we did some pretty dumb stuff, like putting the patio furniture on the roof, and watching the sun go down.
There were a few shady characters there too, and one of them had come over to me (both of us very inebriated) and said, if you want to put yourself on the moon, try some of this. I’m very easily persuadable when I’m drunk. I did, I tried it, and I liked it, and I bought it, and I tried it, and I was very high, and very drunk, and on my roof. My friends all turned to look at me, without me knowing, or caring, as I took off all of my clothes, and started at one corner of the roof, picked up a little momentum, and jumped in the pool. Everybody was surprised I made it. Then the guys who thought they were showing off, started doing the same. The girls must’ve not been so bold as they climbed down the ladder, jumped the fence, and somehow did not spill a drop of liquor.
They joined us in the pool, all without clothes except one, the one I wanted; the one I had been flirting with. As soon as I saw her in the water, it was all over. She didn’t have a chance, we were going to do it, and do it we did; on top of a pool raft, that was not actually in the pool, we stripped off our clothes like they were on fire, and then in front of everybody, we made love. She didn’t mind, and it was the hottest sex of my adult life.