The Writer's Cramp
|On my stroll during the heat, I thought I saw the orange daisy wilt. Yet as I looked around, it seemed like everything is wilting. The trees actually seemed to wilt. Or were they melting? Can a tree melt? Is that even possible? Surely not. It would have to be a nuclear blast for things to melt, right? This is summer, not a nuclear blast. The grass did look a little scorched and melted.
Betty came my way, “Hello there. You look warm Jane.”
“It’s a hot one today, for sure. How do you stay so cool?”
“No secret really. I just make sure to wear cool clothes and use an umbrella.” Sure enough, she had an umbrella, a hat, long pants, long sleeve shirt, and a hat on. “It keeps the rays at bay. You know, the evil alien rays.” Betty continued
her walk down the street.
Weird. I glanced at others as I walked. Nate had a full body hazmat suit on. A mosquito hat with netting over his head. Now that would be hot to wear, I thought. We exchanged a wave. Another woman wore what appeared to be a bubble suit of some sort, complete with bubble hat and clear visor. Her children played nearby with the same sort of outfits on. They upped the ante with attached air units making them look like astronauts of old.
Suddenly I felt vulnerable in my shorts and sandals and tank top. Were there evil alien death rays about? Had the sun sent out a blast twenty times its normal power?
I made it to the coffee shop for my daily cup of take-out and muffin. The paper headlines in bold: “SUN RAYS ARE DEADLY - COVER UP”. So, could that be why everyone is dressed for winter? The crew at the shop had long sleeved shirts, long pants, wool balaclavas. And drinking coffee. I needed an iced drink.
Sipping my iced macchiato I left the shop, wandered a bit further. The big ad board scrolled a message. “ALL RESIDENTS ARE WARNED TO STAY INSIDE DURING THE DAYLIGHT HOURS DUE TO EVIL ALIEN RAYS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED” I read it again. “ALIEN DEATH RAYS ARE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH JANE. WE ARE SURE YOU WILL DIE.”
Is this someone’s idea of a joke? Had Ike at the city office got everyone together and plotted this against me? Wait til I see him at the next city council meeting.
Alien death rays my big fat naked butt. I strolled home ignoring the warning and all the dirty looks I got along the way.
I opened my front door, entered the hot house to find an unexpected guest. Sitting on the couch, as casual as can be, was a being unlike anything I had ever seen before. It was purple, shining, and had a ………..
“Hello Jane. I am here to take you home.”
“Pardon me, but you are in my home. I’m already there.”
“Ahhh, the error is all yours. You see, I had to make the trip from my world to yours to find you. You are the lost princess of our planet.”
“Yeah, right. Alright, buddy, out you go. Go peddle your papers elsewhere.” When I tried to grab the being’s arm or tentacle or appendage or whatever it slipped through my hand. Then it appeared in the dining room.
“Come on, you, out you go, I don’t have time for you. I have to write a story. I guess you’re a figment of my imagination. I’m overheated, the sun and all. I need to lie down. So off you go, like a good alien. Back to planet cuckoo.”
“Jane you have to come with me. The future of the universe is in you. You are the key.” Suddenly I was floating away, in the arms, or tentacle or appendage or whatever of this being. We floated over the house, the street, the city, then the state, then the country, then Earth, then out into space. Somehow I was breathing.
How was this possible? People need oxygen to breathe, they need pressurized suits or they’d explode yet here I am floating in space with this unnamed purple shining alien thing.
Then before I could think anymore about anything, Shining Purple, as that is his name now, set me down on a pink street. Shining pink metal street. Or something like it. More purple shining things came up to me. They touched me. They gave me a suit to wear. Then suddenly I became a Shining Blue being.
With a crown of stars, and not just stars made of jewels. This was a crown made of actual twinkling stars from the sky.
Well, I’m not sure how I am the key to the future of the universe. But here comes a most attractive Shining Yellow alien. Perhaps if I am the Princess, this could be the Prince?
I will tell you later, after we discuss the future of the universe.