I’m on a journey of healing. This is just a short entry about my thoughts/experiences.
Every day is different for me. I wake up some days, and feel grateful for all I have (like today). I feel happy & light & optimistic. And other days I wake up and my heart feels heavy, I still hold the feelings of gratitude within me always but the other emotions from past pain/unhealed trauma seem to overshadow the gratitude on those days. Healing isn’t easy. I wish I could just drop some of the hurt I still hold onto, I find myself waking up some days and being mad at the world & mad at everyone who was involved in subjecting me to the hurt that I’ve been through. But then on days like this I get moments of clarity where I remember that those who have hurt me, are human just like me. I remember that I too have hurt people and maybe they’re sitting around feeling like I do at the hurt I’ve caused them. I remember that being hateful and angry, holding onto things I can’t change, things from my past... are beneficial to no one. And I remember that Our creator has allowed me to still be here for a reason. So no matter what I’ve done in the past or what others have done to me, I have the capability to move through each day with love and kindness. It does get hard for me sometimes, on those days when my heart feels heavy & im consumed by the pain of my past traumas I haven’t let go of. But through it all I remember how blessed I am, how I’ve been given a new day and new chance at life every single time I wake up thanks to the grace of God & I just try to move through each day as it comes, feel the emotions that may rise throughout the day, acknowledge the thoughts, learn from the mistakes of yesterday and take accountability for whatever I may do wrong in the present. I’m blessed and today I’m feeling exceptionally grateful for my life, for the beautiful being I am and for everything in this little life of mine. Who knows, tomorrow I may wake up and feel mad at the world again... idk, like I said this journey is up and down for me. But I’m so much more well equipped to deal with whatever I go through these days & I know that as long as I continue to wake up each day (bc no day is promised to anyone) there is always the opportunity for me to be better than yesterday.