“Which way should I go?” I stood outside the car, the crossroads in front of us.
“North or south, east or west, whichever you choose, I’ll think it best.”
“Come on, make a decision.” I looked at the map. Where was I?
“I don’t care, you don’t care. Momma don’t care, Daddy don’t care.”
“It’s getting hot out here, and now you’re babbling. Will you decide?” I never could tell north from south, east from west. Now I was lost.
“Left or right, upside or downside, inside out, or outside in.”
I stuck my head inside the window. “You sound drunk.”
“Drunk as a skunk. Stuck in a funk.”
“Great. Well, they say moss grows on the north side of trees.” Not a tree in sight. Just wide open sky. Not even a fence post.
A car pulled up beside us. It shimmied to a stop. The windows zipped down.
“Lost?” A small voice from a small woman.
“As a matter of fact, I think I am.” I leaned into the window with the map. “Do you know where this is on the map?”
“Honey, you’re a long way from nowhere and getting there fast. Where do you want to go?”
I pointed to a city. The small woman laughed.
“Ha! You should’ve turned left about 300 miles back. And it’ll be dark soon. Want some advice?”
I nodded, then listened as my companion said, “Take the lead, steer the steed.”
“Ignore my traveling companion. I think it’s overheated. What’s your advice?”
“Get a new map. That one is from 1988.” The window zipped back up. The small woman zipped away.
I got in the car. “I’m lost. Wonderful.”
“Terrific, horrific, mythic, neolithic, metaphysic….”
“Yep, all that.”