by What Bigotry
Caution: This isn't about you.
|I just wanted her to listen. Why would she just hang up? Why does she keep shutting the door every time I'm about to let my subdued feelings out? Why am I incapable of communicating with the most precious person to me? Do I not have the right to express my feelings? My emotions? My cries for help? How much do I have to bear to get it right? Am I missing something? Why do all my conclusions end up in questions? Why?
I thought humans have conversations to reach to some sort of conclusion whether it's relevant to the topic or what ever else. Why do mine keep ending in questions?
I'm the type that do not chase wants but sustain needs. She was the only exception. I never wanted anything as bad. She was the missing puzzle piece. My only humane desire. After all these years of her very existence in my life, I am supposed to be the most content with what I have. But what is this? If there is an entity above thats responsible for everything, I am probably paying for my avarice, my only deep desire. Who would've thought over everything, we'd keep stumbling over never being on the same page. It might seem mundane reading about a guy weeping over his relationship issues to you.
This isn't about you.
But I just don't get it. Why is it that every time she's able to drive to the point where I actually feel like speaking everything on my chest out, letting all my griefs and hurting out, she just shuts her door close? Make no mistake; she isn't the culprit. It's the circumstances. It's the way all our conversations end. Its the way we are and what the interaction of our two strong but significantly different personalities end up producing. Well then that's the answer, isn't it? "She wasn't really the one", thats what you'd say, wouldn't you? I am sorry to disappoint but that isn't the case and its not something I have yet decided to open up about anytime soon but- why would she just hang up?