From the outside, looking in.
|I knew what I was doing. We both did. Like any idiot, I believed him when he said I was special to him. I started to fall for him. His smile and laugh. Everything he stood for. Or said he stood for.
His problem was taking care of everyone else but himself. In his mind, he was strong willed. Sacrifice was a small price to pay. On the outside, looking in, I could see the sacrifice take a toll on him. The smiles and laughs were fewer and further between. His breath smelled of alcohol more every day. Strong willed was beginning to look like a lost and confused child.
It was her.
He was ready to leave her. Fed up with the life he didn't want with her. He packed his bags, quit his job, and was ready to move home for the life he missed so dearly. I was stupidly excited. His family was ready to take him back in with open arms.
Twenty-four hours changed everything.
Yes, he came back, but not for long. He explained that they were going to keep trying. Things had changed and he was hopeful for a brighter future with her. Quite a different tune from the sound he had played me before. I congratulated him though. Wished happiness and good fortune and smiled through it all. He deserves to be happy. She deserves to be happy. I can't hurt that chance.
In his time back home though, he'd still try to kiss and hold me. Tell me how beautiful I am. Leaving me to believe that he wasn't quite happy with his decision. Or is it solely the reason that she didn't want to lose him and he couldn't stand to hurt her?
Whatever the reason was, it still left me hurt. Not heartbroken. Thankfully enough, whatever we had was short. Long enough to dream, but not long enough to become attached. The only heartbreaking part is having faith in something so new and frail and thinking it could amount up to something.
He talks to me like nothing happened. That's fair. He wants a fresh start with his future. Still though, it hurts, nonetheless.