by Dr Gonzo
Tongue in cheek at times on why we lie & the varying degrees of deception we all do.
|What is truth? Is it fact? Or is it our own take on things...with a little garnish on the side to add pizzazz?|
Everybody has lied at some point in their lives. Even a Buddhist monk was once a child who was caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar. Then to cover for his indiscretion, lied about it to his angry parents.
Truth is often perceived as the hard road because it does come at a price...a price that may to some seem too high and a lie as the easier option. The saying goes that the truth hurts, and pain IS one of the best teachers. And so, from childhood to old age, the truth is we never stop learning.
If a child knows the word "No!" but is testing boundaries, responsible parenting must teach...and a tap on the hand is better than a burn. But, if the tap is not given with the right degree of reinforcement, the child learns that he/she can disobey without consequence. Yet, the irony is, if he/she touches something hot, that lesson will never be forgotten...or repeated.
The good news is that once these defiant children reach the milestone of 'teenager', they no longer require boundaries because they now know everything there is to know...except, of course, anything parents or teachers might ask them.
By this stage, the teenager has honed the skills required for deception, but when these skills are not fooling anyone, the professional diagnosis is they are suffering from 'Complete Lack of Regard for Authority Disorder' or CLRAD for short. A tap on the hand to someone who is obviously sick will teach them nothing, except for their rights. And so, we must think of and treat them not as children, but as somewhat dysfunctional young adults. Although they do have an excuse for acting the way they do...it's called puberty. It seems the hormones are to blame, but I do wonder what the adult's excuses are.
So, how DO we teach these hormone-driven, CLRAD-suffering, tyrants, if we cannot legally (or, for that matter, morally) assault them for not doing as they are told? Which differs from doing what they are shown (by us, the alleged responsible adults) because, in general, that is exactly what they are doing.
Should we ignore their antics by not playing into their games? Or should there be some form of punishment; an outcome for their behaviour? And while we are punishing them, we should also punish ourselves (for being such incredibly unsuccessful role models).
Perhaps boarding school might help, but if you can afford the outrageous fees charged by these institutions, then perhaps bribery is a more cost-effective way to keep these adolescents in line. And besides, with the number of days per year students are on break, you are probably better off keeping them around, so you don't become soft (maintaining that hard cold exterior for when your baby turns into a monster).
If our teenage years taught us anything, then lying is the one thing we should keep practising because telling a good solid lie remains one of the hardest things to do in life. Although it must be said that when we do get it right, the satisfaction of deceiving those whose trust in us was wasted, is more satisfying than a good cold beer on a hot summer's day. Or is it?
Some profess that questions are made so that lies have a place to rest. So perhaps if we weren't asked if her bum looks big in whatever she is trying to hide said bum in, then an answer would not be needed...or perhaps even wanted (especially if Truth sticks its rational head up for a look at the bum situation, and decides to voice its own stupid opinion).
Or what about, "How much have you had to drink tonight?"
An inquisitive wife could ask this question. But we all know it won't matter if we admit it was too much or not because after all, we ARE drunk, and drunk people should never be believed anyway.
The drunk can only hope that same question doesn't come from a police officer with an alcohol breath tester to prove it one way or another. We see this often on TV cop shows, but wouldn't it be nice if just one drunk driver would come straight out and say, "Orfficer... I'ze hadz bout ten...an zhen, I'ze lost count."
Nice...so long as we don't meet 'Mr. Lost Count' out there on the freeway.
I lie...and that's the God's honest truth, but I do try to limit my deceptions to an absolute minimum. Not because I am some golden boy who is all morally sound, because I am neither. No, I limit lying to avoid those difficult-to-remember 'who I said what to' situations that all us liars invariably run into.
"Don't we liars?"
"What...no liars willing to admit they are liars?"
Well, if you're going to be a liar, then I suppose one more isn't going to hasten your way to hell.
And here's the thing...telling one lie creates two lies. How? I'm glad I asked.
When we lie, we lie to that person, but we also lie to ourselves. Many liars think they are very clever (sorry, all liars do) and wouldn't believe that last statement. But, the fact is, if they need to deceive someone who loves and cares about them, no matter how much they deny it, that is not an easy thing to have to live with. Denial is rampant among people who cannot face their own truth...to look in the mirror and have any chance of liking what or who they see.
And there are, of course, varying degrees of lies.
Like the one we should all acknowledge, "I only lied to protect YOU."
This is such a great lie I could almost believe it myself. But, being a liar puts me at an advantage, knowing another liar as soon as they (or should I say we) open their (our) dirty lying mouths.
Whilst lying to protect someone else may sound admirable (at least to the liar), please, let's not sully up the muck by saying it is to protect others because the truth of the matter is, the only person we protect when we lie, is ourselves.
And from what? Responsibility? Ownership? Dirty deeds? Insecurity? There are almost as many reasons to lie as there are lies themselves (which is good news...to know we will never run out).
But, there is one type of liar that justifiable reasons to lie do not cover, and they are the compulsive liars. I shudder when I mention them. They are the liars who give us decent, hardworking, and morally sound liars a bad name. It makes me sick to think of all the lies getting used up for absolutely no good reason...a total waste of lies.
Which begs the question. Is there such a thing as a good lie? Well, I'm sure they all seemed like a good idea at the time. Then comes reflection (reflection=when lies are exposed). At which point, more lies are the preferred method to proceed. Then comes realization (realization=when the goose is cooked) and time to face the music.
Then, the silver lining moment comes when all is revealed, and confessions are done (with the obligatory and slight variations to the truth (truth=more lies on matters that cannot be proven otherwise, and hopefully helps paint us in a more favourable light). Then, a strange feeling washes over a liar's psyche. Something akin to having a hot shower after a week away camping.
Now, if the liar is inexperienced, they will show this sudden easing of guilt (by placing the burden of the truth on whoever the lie was told to) by displaying a vigorous gate and a happy smile. But showing your hand too early is a rookie mistake. Although, it's all part of the learning curve of becoming a better liar.
The correct (but far from the right) way is to feign guilt and remorse, but never actually feel them. This feeling of lightening the load of guilt, by dumping the bitter truth upon the victim by being honest (only when caught, please), does not, however, last, and soon, we are again covered in the filth that exudes from the guilt and shame we deny, but is by and large, inescapable.
I am not bashing my bible here (mainly because I don't own one) or telling anyone how to live their lives. I am simply attempting to show that truth is almost always a better option for finding self-respect and an easier way to get through life.
Fear is a strong motivating factor in most people's lives and is a common reason for people to lie, but lying only brings more fear because telling lies is a lot like putting money into a get-rich-quick scheme...where a person needs to keep pouring more and more money in to keep it afloat. Lies need to be supported by more and more lies, and in the end, even if a person is not caught (this time), the effort, the fear, and the time wasted perpetuating them could perhaps be better spent thinking about the reasons why lies have to be told in the first place.
Understanding that everyone makes mistakes and tells lies at different times, but that most people try not to do things that make lying likely...or should I say, necessary.