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Rated: 13+ · Letter/Memo · Educational · #2235577
If one person reads this and changes course because of it, it is a success & my only want.
Over my many years of using drugs, I have learned so much about the hobby we love. A hobby for which we would gladly die.

At first, I was 'just' a recreational drug user...no harm in being young, and experimenting is there? Of course, I didn't know then what I know now...that the most important person you must learn to lie to is yourself.

It is imperative to believe you can stop whenever you choose...that you control the drug, but the drug doesn't control you. Lying to friends, family and those who love you the most should remain only secondary in importance because it's only a matter of time before they will become aware of your newfound hobby.

They will notice the inevitable changes (the scourge of the party people lifestyle), such as weight loss, skin becoming pale and pasty, Tuesday irritability, which will soon also include Wednesday. The late nights and the early mornings. The strangers who appear and then quickly disappear at all hours of day and night. The inevitable crashes that will see you in bed for days after the ever-increasing binges become the norm (and absolutely necessary). All part of the fun of learning how to become a better junkie.

And this is where my years of experience can benefit you. I considered myself the poster boy for how a functioning junkie should look, sound and act. I was proud of my ability to hide my habit from everyone (except my fellow junkies, of course). I had all these new friends, who I could truly depend on (to steal from me if I looked away for a few seconds, rip me off on every deal, and use me to gain any free drugs they could get, yet never repay). People I could rely on to leave me as soon as I became the slightest bit dejected for how they treated me. Oh, the joy...good times indeed.

Of course, if you are to become the best junkie you can be, you need priorities, and they are, get drugs, use drugs, get more drugs, and continue until something drastic happens (and I stake my reputation on the fact that it will).

A rookie mistake that I saw a lot was letting income drop. The excuses (and you will need plenty of those) were because of workplace drug testing or not feeling like doing the job anymore because, let's face it, the time could be better spent getting and using drugs.

But then reality (which is a very real and dangerous side effect caused by not taking drugs) hits home when your friendly neighbourhood dealer stops your line of credit and is now a real cause for concern because although he is a fair and friendly dealer, he (or one of his henchmen) will break your arms if not paid by Friday.

And so, desperate times call for desperate measures, and really, break and enter is only stealing from the rich and giving to the poor (the poor dealer, who is always happy to exchange the goods for small quantities of heavily cut drugs). And except for the property owners feeling like they have been violated, their insurance premiums skyrocketing and having to replace their toothbrushes, it really is a win-win situation for all concerned.

I discovered early on in my career that, unfortunately, I was handicapped with ethics and morals, preventing me from going down that well-worn path. So, I faced the reality that drugs didn't come for free (much to my dismay), and a job was an essential part of the success I so desperately sought.

But the silver lining was, I discovered, that not using drugs during the week (due to my above-mentioned disability) made the weekends more fun and caused my tolerance levels to stabilise (at least, for a while). Sure, I took many sick days, especially Mondays, where I would find myself still high on Sunday night and not having slept since Friday morning; making the obligatory call to the boss on Monday morning another essential skill (if you wish to keep the job). But, I was weak then, becoming more hardened as time went by (and time went by very quickly indeed).

As I got older, my drug habit evolved along with me, as will your own, like an old friend who is difficult to say goodbye to. And not many friends have stuck by me like drugs have. Of course, there is always a price to pay in any relationship, and a relationship with drugs comes at a very high price indeed. The question is, are you willing to pay that price? Especially when you can and will receive your consequences on a buy now and pay later scheme. But...always make sure you read the fine print because once the time comes to pay up, regret is of no value whatsoever.

Now, you may detect a tinge of regret in my words, but I am actually toning this down. The reality is regret is regret, and the trouble with regret is...there is no escaping it, or your past.

I will give you some examples of mine, so you might look back and compare one day. Abandoned by my children and almost every friend I've ever had. The literally hundreds of thousands of dollars I gave to dealers. My health...which is now showing me its own opinion of my choices. My self-esteem and self-respect lost long ago. Knowing what a fool I have been...yet being unable to learn from my experience and change into someone wiser and more grounded.

I could go on, but I'm sure you have better things to do. But, if you have taken the time to read this, at the very least, think about why you do drugs...and think about what, instead of slowly killing yourself, you can do now, so one day you won't wake up and feel compelled to write a story like this...hoping that someone like you or I will read it, and not go down the path we have chosen for ourselves.
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