by S. E. Mabson
SCREAMS!!! Halloween Contest Entry (She named her Journal Robin)
|Word Count: 2602|
Entries From The Journal of Mahlia Wellson
October 5, 2020
Robin, I can’t sleep. I had another nightmare. It felt so real. I was walking through the house (I don’t know why, it's a dream.) I saw smoke billowing out from under my bedroom. I didn’t move. I could feel the heaviness in gravity pinning my feet down. The hallway slowly rose high above me, and the smoke seeped out from under the door. The black smoke crept closer to me, quickly filling the hallway. Gravity felt heavier and heavier, but my sights were on the ever-growing misty fog consuming everything in my house but me. As the black foggy walls built up, I realized gravity, now, had my whole body pinned to the cold wooden floor. The black smoke swirled around me, slowly at first. But it didn’t touch me. I could see things inside it spiraling like the inside of a tornado. A hand reached out to me. I think it wanted me to take its hand. I was tempted. Something in its call seemed...I don’t know how to place it. But, when I didn’t grab it, it snapped into a fist and disappeared. My entire body flung to the ceiling, then flopped to the floor like a rag doll. I woke up with a heart-racing so fast I was actually afraid it might die of exhaustion. (Is that possible?) I was all sticky from sweating and rushed to the shower. Then, of course, I had to come to tell you about it. Why does this keep happening to me? The same black smoke every time. What does it mean? Why is it that I have so many holes in my memory but can’t forget being attacked by black smoke! I'm so tired, Robin. I lose so much sleep because of misty nightmares. That is, of course, why I'm such good friends with Coffee. Coffee not only wakes my sleepy eyes, but it also warms the dark coldness left from my trances. The black Mist never comes and goes without leaving a mark. Coldness and a feeling of being touched by darkness must its favorite the...thing, I mean. Well, I think I am ready to go back to sleep now. You always soothe my weary soul. Goodbye, for now, Bestie.
October 9, 2020
I got a strange feeling today. I found a picture on my phone. I was with a guy. Handsome. Just one. We looked so happy, not in a family way, but in a more intimate way. Yet, I have no recollection of who he is. But when I look at his picture, I just couldn't help but smile and feel like I knew him. I know that sounds crazy. My memory system can't be THAT broken, right? I wonder if something traumatic happened between us. They say trauma makes people bury memories. No, it can't be that; I wouldn't feel happiness looking at it would I? Who knows. On a different note, I found a new sleeping pill so no misty fog or floating hands for the last 3 days! Goodbye, for now, Betsie.
October 12, 2020
Green eyes. Long lashes. (Why do men always get the long, beautiful lashes? Ugh.) My gosh, Robin, that smile, and don't get me started on his dimples. Ah, someone must be throwing water on me because I'm melting faster than the wicked witch of the East! I don't remember anything that happened last night, but that face is engraved, etched, hammered, I tell you, hammered into the deepest depths of my memory banks. Idk if I can call it love, but it is certainly enough to leave me on cloud 900 despite the fact yet another night has come and gone and taken my memories with it.
Oh, Robin, I wish I could remember more. Did I see him across the room and our gaze locked in lingering a little too long or not long enough? I mean, seriously, you should have seen his face, girl! Did we bump into each other in the park, realize we had something in common, start strolling through the park, sit on a bench talking and watching the sunset, and then rise again. Nah, that's too cliche, right? That doesn't happen in real life, does it? Maybe we danced chest to chest, hearts beating in sync until the sun came up. Then I turned all Cinderella in the sunlight. His princely expression must have traumatized me into amnesia. I don't even remember where I was last night. I honestly could have been binge-watching tv and seen him out the window and got caught staring! LoL, I hope I wasn't drooling! Seriously though, what am I going to do about this?
I’m lashing out, spouting knowledge through anger or sadness I didn’t even know I held. The worst is when someone comes to me about something important, they have clearly already told me, and I’m totally clueless. No, the worst is the sudden dread or even terror of something random (I never know why I am even scared of it), and everyone is looking at me like I’m the looney lady with a sixth sense. Mom said I’m becoming unstable and should see a therapist: Robin, I don't know about all that. Something is definitely...off. But what is there really to talk about? LOL, I literally talk to you every day about this. Ironic, I know. I can feel your judgment seeping through the pages. Seriously though, If I told someone, especially a therapist, I'd be hiding pills under my pillow by noon the next day. Yeah, I'm good telling you about my random amnesia, and well, you know, the nightmare visions. I hope you feel special, Robin. They say dogs are man's best friend; well, Journals are a crazy lady's best friend—Goodnight, for now, Bestie.
October 15, 2020
Robin, I’m sure you can tell by the salty water soaking into your pages that today was NOT a good day. It wasn’t even a bad day. That’s too simplistic. That doesn’t capture the terrible essence of today, heck, my life! In the last two days, I’ve spent most of my time hyper-focused on every shadow, every dark corner, every person whose smile seemed to rise too high. It’s creepy when the corners of the lips slowly rise to their peaks. Ominous. I haven’t slept in two days, TWO DAYS, Robin. TWO! My brain just won’t rest! It’s barely functioning at all. It knows. My mind, I mean. It’s coming. I know it’s coming. I don’t know what exactly, but I can feel it. I can feel its eyes searing into me like it’s trying to see inside. Great, it has X-Ray vision! No chance of it missing my heart when it tries to gut me! Ok, that was morbid, but still, I can feel its essence warming my skin, tickling the baby hairs on my neck and arms. THERE IS NEVER ANYONE THERE.
Now, Robin, please tell me how to explain being stalked by hot, stinky air that you KNEW was coming because you’ve had nightmares of it getting closer and closer to a therapist! Or the fact many of those nightmares were trances that felt so real I think they might have been. I had bruises on my chest, legs, arms to prove it. Terror! That’s it! That’s an excellent way to describe the past couple of days. It was full of terror. I’m so afraid to close my eyes. I fear it may be right in front of me, staring me down when I open them again. Afraid I will finally see what is chasing me, beckoning me closer. It was pulling me in like a cow being wrangled in a rodeo.
I told my feet to run, but I am unable to pull away. I haven’t given into it. I just feel, hmmm, It’s like driving past a burning building. Your heart races, and the suspense builds as your eyes quickly explore the scene. That’s when you realize either you have slowed down significantly or you are about to hit something with your car. Well, that’s how I feel. I’m not running into the burning building, but I can’t seem to turn away from it yet. Still, I fear looking away may be what it wants. You know, for me to close my eyes and pretend it isn't still looming over me, waiting for its chance to ambush me. I don’t know how much longer I’ll last with no sleep. Something in my gut is saying, no screaming, STAY AWAKE! I don't know if it's fear or if it’s my broken memories. WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER! Do I want to? Goodbye, for now, Bestie. 11:38 a.m.
October 15, 2020
9:25 p.m. I am sleep deprived. Yep, according to google, I’ll start shutting down soon. Micro-sleep, brain malfunction, loss of functionality. I’ll basically be brain dead in a few hours or days; it depends on the person, apparently. Which is a worse way to go? Sleep deprivating torture or the unknown...thing? I’ll take sleep deprivation for 600 Alex. Sounds peaceful. Coffee Time! Goodbye, for now, Bestie.
October 16, 2020
10:04 a.m. I am still alive. I think. I keep closing my eyes, and I see black misty smoke creeping over to me like it wants to absorb my soul or something. Nothing like a heart attack to wake the weary eyes. I need a distraction...and COFFEE! Goodbye, for now, Bestie.
October 16, 2020
3:45 p.m. My eyes hurt. My legs hurt. My brain hurts. My arms hurt. My everything hurts. I NEED TO SLEEP. Must sleep. Must sleep. Must sleep. Must sleep. No work. Just sleep. Water. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. It won’t let me sleep. It’ll get me if I sleep. Need to sleep. The lights...They just flickered again! The...thing...it's here! I’m not crazy. You might be crazy, but I’m not crazy. It flickered. It did. Coffee. I need more Coffee.
P.S. I just dozed off writing this, and the mist gave me another heart attack. I am really starting to think it doesn't like me much. Maybe it's the coffee. I know it sounds like I'm a coffee zombie sometimes, and you might be right, but I'm not obsessed with coffee. I am obsessed with the idea of staying alive. So, on that note, COFFEE! Goodbye, for now, Bestie. 3:58 p.m.
October 17, 2020
Robin, girl, I was on a coffee run, and you will never guess who I saw. Okay, yeah, I’m sure it’s an easy guess. I saw McDreamy! Girl, I stopped dead in my tracks. When whoever was behind me bumped into me and mumbled off some agitation, his smile embraced my eyes once again. Ok, yeah, I saw how corny that swoon was. Anyway, we locked eyes, and he winked at me! We didn’t get to talk, but his gaze stayed on me until we were both swept away in the downtown pedestrian traffic. That smile is forever etched into my memory. Not even my broken memory system can make me forget that Masterpiece God made.
Even though remembering his smile has been a great escape from the...thing. I can’t help but feel like I know him. I don’t mean like I just met him the other day and forgot the night. I mean, I feel like my stolen (broken, forgotten, withheld, whatever!) memories are about him. I can feel it. We didn’t meet four days ago, I know it! His vibe, aura, or whatever was too familiar to be new. Do you think he may know something about this thing? Maybe he is my guardian angel! I need some more coffee on that note. These eyeballs won't stay open on their own much longer. Thanks for always making me feel better, Robin. I don't know if I would survive my journey to either brain death or mist soul suction without you as my outlet! Goodbye for now, Bestie! 8:15 a.m.
October 17, 2020
5:34 p.m. Death is upon me. My brain is melting like sticky ice cream on the HOTTEST of summer days. Sleep deprivation has come for me, my sweet friend. It was such a nice journey I have shared with you, best friend. That's a lie; this journey has been terrifying. Like earthquakes with way too many aftershocks. Like, walking out your front door and falling down the iced-up porch steps. Hey, don't minimize butt pain. You have to sit on that thing! Anyways, the Journey has been hellish, haunting, creepy. Every shadow has danced around me like monkeys dressed as clowns to tribal music. The black misty fog urges me to join its dance. Purge myself of restricted impulses. Silent, it sings to me. My soul, I guess. It's relentless. But I won't give in. I stare into the fire blazing as high as the shadowy monkey clowns, giving me sinister glimpses of smiles that rose to high. I hate that! The Chester cat smile. Gives me the willies. So, while the journey has been tortuous, having you to share my fears, excitements, and theories has been a vital ingredient to my survival thus far. You never know how much you need a friend until a black mist tries to steal your soul! Goodbye, for now, Bestie.
October 18, 2020
Robin, I’m still awake. It’s 11:45 a.m. I’ve been sitting in my reading nook, in the dark, staring at the lamp on the nightstand for hours. It was flickering; I swear it was flickering. I’ll catch it next time, maybe. Who really cares, I guess, when the darkness calls. It speaks to me, whispers, really. I can’t tell you what it says, but I can feel myself drifting, just not to sleep. I feel like I’m moving, but my surroundings are perfectly still. My hands feel like they’re shaking, but nothing. It’s like my mind is responding to a sweet lullaby sung by a Disney princess. My psyche is searching for the origin of the beautiful sound and leaving my body behind. I almost closed my eyes. Then I saw you lying on my nightstand next to my bed, which I am heavily avoiding, by the way. Anyway, I knew you could help me. It’s pulling me into a trance. I don’t hear anything, but I can feel it. These trances never go well. I wake up alone in strange places, and I am always injured. Save me, Robin. I can’t do this anymore. Magically imprint a spell to vanquish my demons and rid me of my torment. No? Can’t you do that? I guess I knew that. You may not be able to make magic demon-slaying spells appear, but you are fantastic at stopping trances. Now I know how to stop them. I need to focus on something other than its siren call. It’s 12:05 a.m., time for coffee number 14. Bring on the jitters and Netflix binge-watching.
P.S. Sorry about getting your pages all wet again! Have I ever mentioned how great of a best friend you have been? Good-bye, for now, Bestie!
October 29, 2020
So, I know it’s been a while since we talked, but after you helped me realize I just needed to focus on something else, I did. I opened the blinds and embraced the sun, ate some real food, and went back to work. You will never guess who I saw at work! McDreamy! His real name is Silas Wolfe. The name felt so familiar, but I couldn't place it. He doesn’t work there, though. I got to speak to him, and we have been inseparable since. I don’t have much time to elaborate; I need to get ready for our next date. I just needed to tell you I know who he is finally. AMAZING! That’s who he is, simply amazing, complexly amazing. AMAAAAAAAAAAZING! Did I just make that up? Complexly. I don’t know, maybe that’s love talking. I hear it makes you do and say crazy stuff! Anyways, I have been in the sky soaring with the birds so much I completely forget about the...thing. I even went to sleep. Something about him just makes me feel so safe. We watched a movie, and I was wrapped in his small but secure arms and drifted off. AND NOTHING HAPPENED! Not even a bad dream. All I could think about was a future with Silas, and every night since actually. WOW, I'm sprung. Well, I’m going to get dressed for my hot date. Goodbye, for now, Bestie!
October 31, 2020
Robin, it happened again. The nightmare! At least I think I was asleep. The...thing...got through to me again. I saw her hovering over me, just looking at me. No, she was staring through me. Inside me? Eww! That just gave me goosebumps thinking about it. She looked like me but...dead, like a zombie skeleton. She had skulls orbiting around her, me. I knew it was me. I could sense her trying to connect with me. I just couldn’t tell if it was a good connection or a bad one that she was trying to make. Her face was frozen, emotionless, giving away no clues of her intention, just staring. I scanned the room for Silas with only my eyes. I was too terrified to move my head even so much as a millimeter. I didn’t know what she, it, (me?) was capable of doing. But, I could have sworn Silas, and I was on the couch watching a scary movie seconds before she appeared. I don’t know how I ended up in the bed underneath my dead self, or why she was wearing the black witches costume I bought for the Halloween Party tonight, or why she was emitting black misty smoke. I now understand the expression ‘smelled like death,’ though. My nostrils still burn, and it was a dream, I think. I’m still not sure. This room still feels so cold. Reality? Vision? Dream? Crazy Lady? Death date? Goodbye, for now, Bestie. Hopefully.
November 1, 2020
I can’t get it out. I’ve scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, but I can’t get it out. I hit him, Robin, hard. The apprentice. Every memory just made me even more furious. The...thing, it was my memories. Silas took them, but he messed up. Gave me memories of a lifetime of being hunting like a lionesses prey. Memories of my darkest secrets and regrets, shame, and anger were prowling in the tall grass of my distractions lurking, waiting patiently for its chance to pounce. It was all fake. But his blood, it was real. Magic has a price, they say. It’s all over me. His blood is all over...everything. How could he do this to me! How could he sleep with them! The full moon, Halloween it all came back to me. I let her in...the thing...my memories. Evil. Halloween’s full moon embraced me, and I released my fury; I’ve joined its family of sinister misfits. Goodbye, forever, Bestie.