How are you today? Fine, you say? Really? Or are you lying to yourself?
Okay, in case you aren't in the mood to read more than ten words at the moment (hey, i'm not mocking! I'm from the same moody planet as you, buddy!) just skip to blue colored paragraph in the end and PLEASE
We all have a few things, a few feelings and emotions, that we simply don't talk about to anyone for the fear of being judged, ridiculed, misunderstood or simply because you feel it's not worth it. They are usually feeling of insecurities which, if left unheeded, have the potential of killing a person mentally. You might think I'm exaggerating and there is a good chance that you are not one of those people, but I beg you, do not underestimate them.
I had a friend. We were both a part of a tight-knit friend circle. She would be so normal and happy and no one would've guessed that she's not okay. She transferred to another country by the end of that year and changed her number. She somehow couldn't share her number and we lost touch soon after.
About a month later, I heard from a friend that she was taken in as a patient of chronic depression. Apparently, she suddenly became insecure that no one really cared about her, simply because someone who wasn't even close to her told her so as a joke. You might want to call her weak, but I knew her and weak was about the last word I'd use to describe her.
I came to the conclusion that she had been conjuring such feelings for a few months now. When I thought about it harder, I remembered that by the end, she had become a bit withdrawn. She used to be a humorous and jovial person, always cracking jokes and roasting people. But that had reduced over time. She started talking less and listening more. And that was a really out of character for someone like her. She was beginning to feel left out, but no one assumed that she's staring to lose her mind over a visage of maturity.
I wish I could trace where exactly this seed of insanity had been planted. It all starts from just one comment, one gesture, completely innocuous in intention. But the thin line between a casual joke and an offensive remark fades away completely when someone is having a bad day. And that's when the soil is soft and the dark seed is sowed deep. Every callous remark thereafter waters the seed and begins to wrap around the person's mind, creeping ever so slowly. No one is at fault, but not every mistake doesn't need an criminal.
When the tree is fully grown, it wraps around the person's emotions, taking control of their true self and burying them in a dark, lonely place. They are completely consumed. When the final remark is delivered, fruits of darkness crack the person beyond repair.
Almost everyone have this seed planted at some point. I believe it's almost inevitable. But of course, an easy method to escape this state is to express and ventilate such emotions People who express themselves learn to cut the plant before it hardens and strengthens.
But its not as simple as it sounds. Mental illness is one of the most underrated and nerve-racking disease of the present day. Most people, like my friend, don't even realize that there's something wrong with them. They might (and mostly will) be aware of certain incidents that trouble them deeply but only rarely do they let it out for the reason I listed above.
Letting these incidents and ill-feelings just sit around in the depths of their mind for too long is no less than attempting suicide.
When I got to speak to my friend the next time (she was much better then) she told me that she probably wouldn't have ended up this badly if she could confide in just one person, but she didn't want to look weak and come off as an attention seeker. It's often not the incident itself; the detail get blurry and you gradually forget what even happened. But the feelings associated with it CANNOT be forgotten.
Finally, coming to the point! (That took a while, now didn't? Ahoy, planet-mateys! Now bear with me 'cause this ain't a ten word thing.) I want to be that non-judgmental ear for as many people as I can. Sometimes, just sharing these feeling is like unloading a huge boulder off your back.I lost a truly dear friend to this devil. And the best part about WdC is that we're all strangers here! (Most of us, at least.) And that's why, I believe you won't mind sharing your stories. And I'm all ears. (Non-judgmental ears!) If there is anything, ANYTHING AT ALL that might be nagging, small or big, you must tell! 'Cause that doesn't matter AT ALL! It's not about small of big, its what you felt that really counts. So please, talk about it. I understand that we have all set a certain personality behind our vivid usernames, so if you absolutely don't wan't me to know who you are, that's all right. You can always submit anonymously. It's important to detoxify your systems. That's all that really matters.
Just tell me, for real, how are you?
P.S.: Fessing like this takes up a lot of courage, so you might be lucky and win the "courage" MB.
Now, shoot, matey!