![]() | No ratings.
Reading the obits is my favorite sport |
It’s Thursday and the mail has come Just bills and other stuff I don’t look at the ads at all As for bills, I’ve had enough But in the mailbox with the rest Is what I’m looking for The local paper has arrived So I’m content once more This is my favorite time of all When I relax and read The obituary column first Yes, that’s the news I need I have to find out who has gone On to a better place I don’t see any names I know I’m glad that’s not the case But wait a minute, what is this? There must be some mistake That’s my name on the final page They mention there’s a wake Now I’m confused, I must admit I didn’t know I’m dead I checked the listing one more time And this is what I read He passed away on Sunday night While he was fast asleep “He never told me he was sick I never heard a peep” That quote was from my wife, of course They said she was so sad I felt relieved I will admit That she said nothing bad Born in the same house where he lived Until the day he died “He always said he was the best But heaven knows he lied” That’s what my brother said of me He always was a jerk He never could do anything Not any kind of work “He was a most disturbing boy But harmless most the time I am surprised he didn’t make A livelihood of crime” My eighth-grade teacher gave that line She always made me smile Although she scared me half to death She still could joke with style Did no one say nice things of me? Did I not have a friend? I’d like to think someone would cry When I had met my end Wait a minute! Wait a minute! What is that I see? His middle name starts with an ‘F’ While mine starts with a ‘P’ I have to check my pulse again I think I’m still alive You know, I think that I’m okay I think I will survive That’s cured me of my favorite sport I must find something new I won’t read obits any more Not like I used to do Instead I’ll have to spend some time To polish up my past Since I have reached a certain age I’ll have to do it fast ‘Cause when I finally bite the dust And they write my obit I hope they’ll say nice things ‘bout me Like I was such a wit I don’t know if I trust them though When it comes to that date So I will write my own obit So there is no debate I may not have done everything That others thought I should In fact there were so many times I was misunderstood I never harmed a living soul In fact I never could Just think of me from time to time I hope your thoughts are good Donations may be made to the Humane Society |