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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2239902-A-Dream-On-Christmas-Eve
by Bud
Rated: E · Poetry · Romance/Love · #2239902
A poem about an alternate reality concerning a former love interest that wasn't interested
A Dream On Christmas Eve
(For Karma)


Your birthday
and me,
standing in your
driveway
outside your house
(or what passes
for your house)
contemplating
a knock on the door
when I see you
up the street
walking with friends;
deja vu
of so long ago.

But different.
You do not go
out of your way
to greet me
as back then,
but to mock me.
Contemplation
complete, I
turn to go.

Only to return.
And to find sitting
on the side of a bed
in your front yard,
my mother
making you the
elaborate card
she would never make.
"It's her birthday,"
she says.
"Don't you want to--"
I shush her,
not wanting you to hear,
not wanting you to know
we're just outside
your sphere
of existence.

Why?
Because I can't escape a
past feeling,
or how all of this
is vaguely all too familiar somehow
but painfully different,
inverted, an inverted
symbolism of perversion:
you,
the friends,
the card,
my mother's now
acceptance of you and,
most perverted of all,
my now acceptance
of you not.

To my mother's
now surprise
(that wouldn't
in a million years
have been back then)
I finally contemplate "no"
and turn to go,
deciding that it just
wouldn't be worth it,
after all.

And for that,
this is sad.
For that,
I'm truly sorry.
© Copyright 2020 Bud (budrberkich at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2239902-A-Dream-On-Christmas-Eve