Dialogue 500, Dec. 2020
|"And what about you, Mother? Have you been good all year?"|
"You're kidding me, right Santa?"
"No. This is really important, because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you know. All grist for the mill in my final decision-making process about Millie's inclusion on that all-important list. The slide from nice to naughty can be most slippery. Frighteningly fast at times!"
"Ohh! I was thinking… well-ll, perhaps we shouldn't go there."
"Huh? No, please do 'go there'. I'm not sure what you mean."
"It's just that I have to question exactly what you mean by 'good'? Like, as in 'good AT something'? Professional, maybe? Hmm… ?!? Like a 'pro'?"
"Hmm, indeed. Never thought of it quite like that."
"It's just that, whilst I'm not a 'pro' by any means (or whatever the trendy name is these days!), I have it on good authority — from my partner-in-crime for over 55 years, that I have several exceptionally 'good' attributes."
"REALLY? *cough* *splutter*"
"Ohh yes-s-s… and I'm a damn fine splendid cook, as well, he tells me."
"Pardon me a moment while I check my pockets, Mother. I may even have a man-size tissue buried somewhere 'neath my beard. Seem to have developed a need to cough into something large!"
"Hmm… such a 'man' thing. Any excuse to give you extra 'think' time, hey? Well-ll, while you're at it, maybe you need to reconsider your question. Maybe you meant 'behaving' in a goodly fashion'? Minding my P's and Q's? Dotting all my i's? That kind of thing?"
"I… uhrr… well-ll-ll…"
"I know what you're trying to say— you BELIEVE! Which is great, because if Santa stops believing in us, we're bound to stop believing the nightmare called 2020 is over."
"Uhrr… *cough *splutter *gulp!"
"What's the matter, Santa? Elf got your tongue?"