Dialogue 500, Dec. 2020
|"And what about you, Mother? Have you been good all year?"
"You're kidding me, right Santa?"
"No. This is really important, because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you know. All grist for the mill in my final decision-making process about Millie's inclusion on that all-important list. The slide from nice to naughty can be most slippery. Frighteningly fast at times!"
"Ohh! I was thinking… well-ll, perhaps we shouldn't go there."
"Huh? No, please do 'go there'. I'm not sure what you mean."
"It's just that I have to question exactly what you mean by 'good'? Like, as in 'good AT something'? Professional, maybe? Hmm… ?!? Like a 'pro'?"
"Hmm, indeed. Never thought of it quite like that."
"It's just that, whilst I'm not a 'pro' by any means (or whatever the trendy name is these days!), I have it on good authority — from my partner-in-crime for over 55 years, that I have several exceptionally 'good' attributes."
"REALLY? *cough* *splutter*"
"Ohh yes-s-s… and I'm a damn fine splendid cook, as well, he tells me."
"Pardon me a moment while I check my pockets, Mother. I may even have a man-size tissue buried somewhere 'neath my beard. Seem to have developed a need to cough into something large!"
"Hmm… such a 'man' thing. Any excuse to give you extra 'think' time, hey? Well-ll, while you're at it, maybe you need to reconsider your question. Maybe you meant 'behaving' in a goodly fashion'? Minding my P's and Q's? Dotting all my i's? That kind of thing?"
"I… uhrr… well-ll-ll…"
"I know what you're trying to say— you BELIEVE! Which is great, because if Santa stops believing in us, we're bound to stop believing the nightmare called 2020 is over."
"Uhrr… *cough *splutter *gulp!"
"What's the matter, Santa? Elf got your tongue?"