Horror, silly, movie review
|I hate horror films. Not because they are horror but because they are horrible. Blood and guts are not my cup of tea. A movie called Night of the Wild was just starting late last night while I was channel surfing so I watched it out of curiosity.
You are probably familiar with Dog Day Afternoon. This movie could have been titled Dog Day After Afternoon.
Simple plot: A meteor shower drops a bunch of green glowing rocks all over the landscape. Dogs go crazy. Dogs kill everyone. They kill cows too. They must like hamburger.
There is never a real explanation as to why the dogs went crazy. The news media, being true to form as in real life, say that they don’t understand why the dogs went mad and maybe it had something to do with the meteors. Dah.
There is a pretty young woman who watches her less pretty girl friends get killed by a pack of dogs. One of the girls was a blonde. It is not always true that blonds have more fun. This one was having a dog day of an afternoon. The Pretty girl, (star of the show) with brown hair, did not get injured. You just can’t kill pretty. The pretty girl runs around for hours outside in open fields and forests and never gets a bite. Not even a mosquito bite.
Her mom and 3 year old sister are warned about the dogs doing bad deeds. Mom tells the 3 year old to watch TV and do not go outside. The little girl turns off the TV and goes outside.
Large savage dogs start to chase her. Everyone knows that a 3 year old girl can outrun a bunch of angry dogs right? She does. She gets inside her little dogs cage. Earlier her little dog escaped from said cage. The cage was locked at the time. The dog must have grown hands and fingers to escape captivity because how else could it get out to join his buddies in the blood lust.
Mom had gone upstairs to get the father’s gun. She came back downstairs without a gun. I don’t think she forgot it. I think she simply became like me, disinterested in the script.
Mom hears her daughter screaming and runs outside. It took her a long time to find the 3 year old. All she had to do was follow the sound of the screams and growling dogs. When she gets to the cage the dogs start to rip mom to shreds….or so you would think. All other characters in this film were killed within seconds. What a mom! As if by magic you see the mother and little girl running to the front door. Mom has an injured arm and that is all. She closes and locks all the windows on the lower level of the house except the large window by the front door, which is wide open where the dogs easily jump through and attack mom again for a considerable amount of time while the little girl looks on thinking la-d-da, ho-hum.
Mom escapes again. I guess the dogs got bored with the program. All of a sudden mom and her 3 year old are upstairs. Wow that little girl sure can move. Mom locks the upstairs doors behind her then she comes up with a brilliant idea. She jumps out the window….a very high 2nd. Floor window, damaging her ankle in the process on landing. She tells the little girl that they will be safer outside. She tells her to jump. The girl is smart. She says, “I’m afraid mommy!” She is right. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Your mommy is coo-coo. The mother has a broken arm and ankle and she keeps yelling, “jump.” “I’ll catch you.” Right.
All of the police inside the police station are killed by the dogs. Don’t police stations have doors? Don’t the cops have guns? They must have left them at home on the night stand along with their brains.
All of the people in the town are outside on the streets getting mauled and killed by the dogs. Don’t they have homes or businesses where they would be safe inside? Why don’t they hide in their cars and trucks? The entire population is wiped out, (as they should be for being stupid.) Pretty girl and a woman from the town decide it is a better idea to leave the safety of their tuck and go outside and hide under the truck. The dogs easily get under the truck and rip the townswoman apart. Pretty girl escapes unharmed as usual.
Dad, mom, pretty girl and 3 year old all meet up in the end. Dad has an airplane. Sure he does. All dads should have an airplane to escape in with their families. He flies them to another community. It is such a peaceful looking place. They are already a distance from the plane in the open airfield when they realize there are green glowing rocks all over the homes and landscape and a large pack of savage dogs waiting for breakfast to be served.