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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2242513-With-Warm-Regards
Rated: ASR · Letter/Memo · Comedy · #2242513
An example of Southern grace while still getting the point across.
Bobby,
I thought I'd send a quick email to let you know I appreciate you not saying anything to Ravyn about the presents. After all these years, buying an extra gift and slapping your name on it has become a habit. I'm glad we agree that it's easier this way. I'm sure the pink cowgirl hat your wife picked out will find a good home. Maybe she could try one of her girls the next time she sees them. It's been a few years, but surely one of the three still listens to country music. If not, well, maybe one of the boys secretly likes pink. Oh! You'll never guess who I saw the other day! Do you remember the time you went out with James while I stayed home with the kids? I guess I should be more specific. I had a sprained ankle. It was winter...2011! Ya'll helped that guy Joey start his truck, but then realized he had a flat tire, so ya'll ended up driving all the way to Yantis and he was so drunk he had given ya'll the wrong address. I ran into his sister. Apparently, he's doing the last of a 15-year stretch and is getting released soon. Yep, she was telling me how excited the family has been. Well, when their Momma was up at the prison, a very large and intimidating man introduced himself. He just wanted to tell her it's mighty Christian of her to welcome Joey back home with open arms after the incident. And since he'll be paroled not long after, it'll be great to get to know his new in-laws. Of course, she turned white as a ghost and fainted at his feet. Poor woman! You know, I thought Joey might have a little sugar in his tank, but I didn't think it was full of cane syrup! You know it's funny how life played out. Gosh, you never understood why I wouldn't get a babysitter. I never understood why you wanted to go to the bar. By 30, I was done hanging out and drinking with people that were mere acquaintances. You had just started enjoying being the center of attention in a room full of folks you rarely saw. I always thought it was a waste of time and money. You always told me 'there's more money and time.' Anyway, I thought you'd find that bit of gossip amusing Now, I'm sure her wicked stepmother had good intentions with that hat, but I'm damn glad I intercepted the mail. Ravyn would have been upset to find such a girly package from you. And the motorcycle jacket 'you' got her does fit her personality better. I hope you get to come through Texas soon so you can see her wear it in person. Might I make a suggestion? Perhaps it'd be a good idea for the wicked stepmother to learn how to properly spell our daughter's name? Bless her heart, it's been three years! You might need to make sure she can actually read since she's doing your logbooks.
Be careful out there.
-K
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