I don't really recognize the girl in the mirror.
|Dear Girl in the Mirror,
You survived 2020. Bruised and battered--furloughed and with job changes. You’ve lived in the echo chamber of moments in history. And, let’s be honest, sometimes you worried about who the victor would be to write the history books. You’ve watched your husband struggle to succeed in school and graduate with a difficult degree, only to enter a stagnant job field. Grief weighs heavy on your shoulders, knowing you lost your mother in law to a virus people insist is a hoax. You're not even sure how to quell the anger in your heart at those people. Your boyfriend is not without his struggles, losing his pet and job as if insult needed injury. Hell, your family didn’t even get to spend Christmas with you because they had to beat the snow fall that made the mountains impassable.
Some fresh new deity had something to prove. It got creative.
You’ve survived. You’re resilient. In a time of hardship and grief, you managed a life with your partners. You’re no stranger to struggles. These past years have been a testament to that. You disappeared into yourself and peeled hidden layers of self doubt to reveal someone new and not entirely recognizable. I’m still getting to know you. I’m still learning who you are, how you express yourself, who you love. Your gender expression. Your sexuality. I’m still exploring all the nooks and crannies of you, as you stare at me from the reflection.
These last years you reached out a hand for help and was diagnosed with high functioning severe generalized anxiety disorder. You struggled through a year of medication adjustments and physical illnesses that hospitalized you. And look at what you accomplished last year despite those hardships! You rewrote a whole book. You’re looking for a publisher or agent. You wrote four poems and two short stories, and the trend continues. You’ve written two short stories and a poem in January alone. You’ve started a rewrite on another book.
I know that inside you’re still a little broken. I know inside you're still grieving. You’re still grieving the people you’ve lost and you’re still grieving the loss of who you once were. I know you still struggle to come to terms with the state of your health. Sometimes, when I look at you, you’re so unrecognizable that you feel like an imposter, scratching at my skin.
You’re an amazing person. You love unconditionally with a heart big enough to love more than one soul at once. You are resilient, struggling beyond an abusive past to become more than what you are. You are talented. You have written books and stories and poems and blogs. You are smart. You are succeeding at a new job where you interact and help people throughout the day, despite your social anxiety. I see you in the mirror, and I’m proud of the person I’ve become.
So let yourself be happy. Love your people. Pet your pets. Enjoy your job. Be thankful for the steps forward you’ve made in both your physical and mental health. These past years knocked you down but did not knock you out.
Use this year to finish your book series that you started rewriting last year. Become the activist you always wanted to be for LGBTQ+ matters. Write and represent. I have an unshakable faith that you can accomplish these things. I’ve seen you succeed in so much more. I’m along for the ride, and it’s going to be amazing to get to know the girl in the mirror.
Love Forever and Always,
The person becoming me.
Word Count: 599
Initially Submitted to: Dear Me https://www.writing.com/main/handler/first_in/1/item_id/597313-Dear-Me--Official... (entered:1/24/21).