Confronting fear and anxiety. Taboo words: new, change, start over, resolution, promise.
| This time, things will be different. I just know it. Wait, look at that guy being called up now. He looks like he really has his act together. That still leaves two more ahead of me. Who knows what could happen in that time? No! I'm not going to think like that. Not anymore. Of course, I've been here before. Well, not exactly here, but close. And, I've chickened out before, but not this time! This time I am absolutely determined to follow through.
Why does it seem like every time I get this close, my mind just freezes up, my stomach churns and my legs turn to jelly? Well, it doesn't really matter, because this time I'm going through with it. I mean, I guaranteed my family and my friends that it's definitely going to happen this time. I owe it to them as much as to myself. I'm not sure they believed it though. After all, they've seen me crash and burn before. Why should today be any different? Because today, I am different, that's why!
Wow! That felt good, even if I didn't say it out loud. I know I'm really ready to do this. OK, there goes another, so now only one in front... Wait! Why is the next one getting up? She's heading for the door. No, you can't do that. That makes me next! I'm not ready. I'm supposed to have a little more time! OK, get a hold of yourself. You know you can do this. You've been working and planning for this for a long time. You know you're ready. Just get a grip!
Well, the moment of truth has arrived. Any time now, someone will walk through that door and ask me if I'm ready to take that step, and I... I frankly don't know what I'll do. Maybe I should take my cue from that woman that left. I could get up and leave, just like she did and life could go on. And then what? Go back to my family and friends and say, well I did it again. You were right not to expect anything from me. It's just like last time, like every time!
"Excuse me, sir. Are you ready? You're up!"
What do I say? Do I tell her, I have an emergency and I have to leave now? Or maybe I just run for the door. I mean, these people don't know me. Why should I care? Because I know me, and the me that I know is going to be different from now on. I will face my fear! I will step boldly into the unknown!
"I, uh, yes! Absolutely. I'm ready!"
"OK. Go right through that door to take you're driving test and when you're done come back to the counter to get your license."
This time, I win!
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