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Rated: 18+ · Short Story · Animal · #2243409
Phil shuts down adverse publicity.
It's Only One Day In The Year


Philly Penn, high commissioner of AGWW (Association of Ghogs World Wide) was incensed as usual on this date.

“Those grandstanders like Phil and Willy sully the good name of the groundhog species. We must stop them for good. Gear up and let’s start with poser Phil!”

Loaded down with picket signs, buttons and tee shirts, the angry rodents arrived by the busload in Punxsutawney, PA for a showdown.

“I am not meteorologist and neither is my shadow!

“Down with the media ‘hogs'!”

“We are worth more than one day a year!”

Chanting and marching, the AGWW contingent picketed Phil’s hole. Cameras rolled and flashed and journalists tried to get statements.

“Have you spoken hog to hog with Phil?” asked one.

“Not yet!” chittered a voice.

“What’s going on, Philly?"

“We’ve had enough of this! You and all the famous g-hogs need to step away from this species humiliation,” ranted Philly.

“Don’t think I haven’t tried! These idiot humans persist in waking me from a hibernation to predict the weather!”

“Hand me your membership card now! I’m going to tear up and you will be banned for life from the organization,” Philly decreed.

Phil studied Philly like the petty tyrant he was. He placed a straw in his mouth and chewed reflectively.

“Does this mean you’ll be stepping down as grand high commissioner of AGWW?” he asked.

“No! Why should I?”

Phil stepped closer to him and whispered in his ear. Philly shrank back then shouted:

“Okay, pack up! I think we’ve made our point!”

As the irate g-hogs left in a hurry, a news anchor approached Phil.

“That was quite a showdown! What did you say?”

“I reminded him that he tried out to be a Groundhog Day representative and lost to me.”

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