|For all us rednecks out there, Gary the Groundhog is being pulled out of his hole over there in Ned’s backyard. Course we are unsure if he can even see his shadow, as he hasn’t mowed his lawn in a decade. If you Mow your lawn and find a groundhog nest… you might be a lil red in the neck.
I have just taken my second shotgun of PBR, cuz seriously I’m red in the neck. And now Ned called over my hubby Earl to help him get Gary the Groundhog out of his nice warm… and muddy, (cuz we are red in the neck), nest.
The sun is about to peak over the horizon and now the entire red dirt road is over here exclaiming, while I can hear Earl and Ned cursing, the groundhog chittering and biting and clawing like a wet alley cat, I pop open another can of PBR and guffaw loud and long.
It’s the same every year, there are no shadows being foretold by the groundhog, everybody ‘round these parts knows you need to talk to Gretta the Gypsy to know whether there is gonna be an early spring or not. Even then we only drink Boones Farm Snow Berry Creek at that gathering tomorrow. But for now, we are gonna pour some gasoline on that dead tree we yanked outta the ground and throw a lil’ homemade napalm on it, then light it up with a torch.
Man today is a party every year!