***Notes... In writing this poem I found a sense of release. Poetry is a way for me to interpret, or even just document, life and self. It doesn't always work or translate for others. It is a very personal depiction of an inner world of thought and emotion. I hope to improve in clarity and message. In the darkest moments of depression, I often find a sense of clarity and the subsequent desperation to be heard and understood. For awhile now, I have loved E.E. Cummings -" Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town. " I enjoy trying to use words in abstract and irregular ways. I will attempt clarification now

...
°seek a new direction of thought, approach on life, expand mind higher, from darkness to light, low to high, negative to positive.
Cease (
crash)toxic thinking patterns and harmful behaviors
used to cope (
manage)with life
immediately (
crash).
° continuously replaying and perseverating on past humiliating events and failures. Seeing them repeat. Subsequent self loathing, lonely, dark and quite expanding sadness. Feel destroyed and so small.
° Cry until you can no longer, release your story, cry some more. Lungs tight with grief. Such release and sadness often creates a euphoric trance. Euphoria is light, everything else is not. You can get caught up in this euphoria, but beware, your depression touches those around you, those you love, it spreads!
° Those who work to bring and keep you down, who want to see you bleed, turn and face them, make no apology to the attacker, bare your teeth and smile.
Life is bearable if you can see it simply, quite your racing thoughts, live without an over complicating, over thinking, always criticizing mind.
***