First chapter of a book I have started. Any feedback would be good.
"What happened to her?" Drake asked over the low thumping of music.
There was nobody here now. The club had been cleared out, much to the displeasure of its inhabitants. There was only three people left. Drake Culver, an apprentice seeker, Lanister Harrogate, the Fathers Seeker and a half naked dead girl with sharp features and short black hair.
"If I knew that Culver we wouldn't be standing here now would we!" Lanister barked. He knelt down next to the body. It was cold to the touch, like ice. He opened one of the girls eyes. There was no pupil, or iris, just white orbs beneath matted black hair. "Curious... She doesn't look as if she has been harmed at all, yet she isn't breathing. She is most obviously dead. But how?"
Drake stayed silent. Lanister would often think aloud. He had been upped around the ear more than a few times for interrupting him.
"Poison?" He said after he was sure Lanister had stopped talking.
"Maybe, I haven't seen this before though. I guess we will have to wait for the boys back at the shop to figure this out. Did you call it in?"
"I did. Just after we arrived."
"They will be twenty minutes."
"Good." Lanister grunted as he stood up on cracking knees. "Enough time to look around some before they take over this place for a few days."
Drake nodded and pulled out his torch. It clicked, casting a beam of light across the room. The floor was littered with plastic cups, spilt drinks and all sorts of rubbish.
"Look for anything strange...anything out of the ordinary!" Lanister pulled out his own torch and started sca NJ g the floor. Drake did the same, heading outwards away from the corpse in the centre of the room. He hadn't been doing this work long but it never got old. He stepped gingerly forward being careful not to crush anything that could potentially be useful.
"Found anything?" Lanister called across the hall to him after a few minutes.
Drake shook his head. "Wouldn't it be easier with the lights on?" He doubled back and hopped over the bar to a metal panel on the wall. He prised it open and ran a finger down the names on the side. Toilets, entry hall, security booth and many others. Drake decided to flick them all on.
"Stop!" Lanister cried out from behind him.
"They are only lights!" Drake said as he turned to glare across the room at him. It was then he realised Lanister was not speaking to him. His weapon was drawn. It was pointed into the middle of the room. A look of cold steel etched across the middle aged man's face. Drake peered past him and his blood suddenly ran cold.
The girl was standing. The dead girl. Her corpse had stood up and moved forwards a few steps. Her white eyes peered across the room, lifeless, through her black matted hair. Her skin looked paler than it had when they first arrived, like a ghost. Even her lips had turned white.
"Who are you?" Lanister called. "Answer me now or I will shoot you dead young lady!"
The girl said nothing. She stood silent and still.
Drake went for his own weapon. Thesecond his fingers touched cold steel the girl turned her head. It was an unnatural movement, like a snap in his direction. Pain exploded in his face and Drake collapsed forwards, holding himself up on the wooden bar. He couldn't see. The world had gone black.
"Stop that!" Lanister shouted. "I'll shoot!"
Drake cried out in pain as his head smacked into the wooden bar shatter the side of his face. He felt blood run down his cheek and drop onto his shirt.
A Gunshot rung In his ears as Lanister fired. Nothing happened, it was as if the bullet disappeared into thin air. Her head snapped back to him as quick as a snake.
Drake tried lifting his head. Everything was black. A blinding pain throbbed through his face and down one side of his neck. At first he couldn't move, but then he felt an overwhelming urge to reach down and pull out his gun. His arm moved as if on its own. "I can't stop it!" He cried as his hand grasped the cold metal handle.
"Whatever you're doing you need to stop it now!" Lanister screamed across the room at the girl.
The girl turned her head to Drake and smiled as the woman, thing, forced his hand up to point his weapon at Lanisters spine.
The last thing Drake heard was the sound of three gunshots and a sickening slap as Lanister dropped to the floor in a cloud of red mist.