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Rated: ASR · Fiction · Comedy · #2245997
A man's sartorial necessity becomes the mother of invention. Daily Flash Fiction winner.
“Tarzan.” Boy spotted his friend standing beside the river. Tarzan appeared to be naked, and was holding a large turtle shell in front of him.

“Hello, Boy.” Tarzan waved the shell in the air. “What you think?”

The shell looked pretty ordinary, but Boy didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings. “It's nice,” he said. And noting Tarzan's state of undress, he added, “Are you going to wear that?”

“Why you ask? Think Jane not like?”

“What happened to your leopard skin? That shell won't cover you the way the skin did.”

“Fast water take leopard skin right off Tarzan. Then water take skin far away.”

Boy was puzzled. "But how will you wear the shell?”

“Easy,” said Tarzan. “Tie on with vine.”

“That shell will cover only part of you. Front or back, but not both.”

“Is that bad?”

“It will be for Jane. And for that man who brings tourists here.”

“What should Tarzan do? Hide from Jane and tourist man?”

“Can you find another leopard skin? Or maybe a lion?”

“Not now, and do not know when.” Tarzan shook his head, as though dismissing the idea. “Old leopard skin come from old leopard. Die after many years of life. Tarzan take skin only after leopard dead. Never kill any animal. Not kill turtle, either. Find shell right here.”

“Well,” said Boy, “Until you can find another shell or another skin, I think you should wear that shell in front. And when anyone else comes near, be sure to face them, and do not turn around.”

“Then Jane will like Tarzan's turtle shell?”

“Well,” said Boy, “let me put it this way.” He broke into a broad grin. “As far as animals go, I think Jane will be more at ease seeing your turtle than your ass.”
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