Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2248962-You
Rated: E · Letter/Memo · Drama · #2248962
Reviewed a poem, no thanks given. Felt small & intimidated bc he is genuinely brilliant.
You..."Does anyone have anything to say?"

Me...(the small boy in the corner of the room) "I have something to say."


All eyes down and given to fear...to say anything...to draw the attention...of you.

The small boy, who by now had wisely lowered his hand, knew in that moment, he had nothing to offer...you.

You won't remember me, that is certain. But I reviewed one of your poems four days ago and have regretted it since. My fault entirely. I made the mistake of reviewing the piece before I knew what, or more precisely, who I was reviewing.

I didn't realize you were a published and award-winning author. I also didn't realize you would brush me aside like I don't exist...but I do now.

I wish I could say something that would make you feel like I do...insignificant and small...but that is not my nature. I wish I could say that you are not as good as you think you are (small boy fantasies of winning against all odds) but, it is more likely you are better than you think you are...at least in the art of writing.

I'm not looking for a fight...how could I possibly win any encounter with you? I just wanted you to know...press delete and forget...me.

Part II

It has been a while since this encounter and other than the day this happened, I haven't been back to his port. I saw enough then to convince me I have no place there. Since then, I have realised that not only do I not belong with those who look down upon me, but I don't belong anywhere...at least, not as far as my art is concerned.

I've tried to belong here at WDC, and it has become as close to home as I have ever experienced. But even here, at times, I feel like an outsider. Perhaps it is me, after all, I never did play the game as well it should be played...nice and non-confrontational.

Perhaps I ask too many questions, which may essentially, lead to my downfall. This, even though in my mind, the answers are nowhere near as important as the questions themselves. Most of the time, my questions are not asked out of curiosity, but as a prompt for self-awareness. And in the end, it doesn't matter if the answer is silence because who doesn't like the quiet?

Some examples...Are you happy? Most seem to fall somewhere between happy and miserable.

And, I believe one question should always lead to another...What do you think could bring you more happiness?

Of course (of course to me, but perhaps not to someone else), it would be presumptuous of me to think that someone may want more happiness in their life. It might seem logical that everyone wants that, but the truth is that not everyone wants to be happy. Creating an oxymoron where they are happy to be unhappy...to wallow in their own misery. And who am I to question this logic?

Perhaps these kinds of questions are too personal for most online acquaintances. I've never been very good at adhering to boundaries (especially my own), knowing they are based on fear. And yet, it's quite possible those limitations (literally what boundaries do...they limit) are in place to see if anyone cares enough that they are willing to push their boundaries and risk losing the person in order to help them find whatever it is they are searching for. This is what a child does (and I'm not saying these adults are childlike, but simply displaying childlike behaviours). All children need boundaries, but why? In my opinion, they need them to see if anyone cares enough about them to notice when those boundaries are broken...in other words, who loves them enough to check them.

This all may sound too aggressive. Or that I am angry, unapproachable or unfriendly. But, I am none of these.
I am definitely assertive and confrontational. This is because avoiding confrontation IS a form of denial and leads to nowhere but dissatisfaction.

I'm honest and I've been told that at times, I can be brutally so. I simply didn't know that there were varying degrees of honesty. So, should I be warier? Just because in the past, I have seen good intentions fall by the wayside too many times. To trust that this time, it will be different hasn't paid off for me, but does that mean I should change my approach? Change who I am simply because my methods can, at times, rub people the wrong way.

This is how I see it...most people live in an emotional comfort zone. It works for them most of the time and I get that. But what I don't get is why those very people become so darned upset/offended/uncomfortable when they are led to a place that makes them fidget and squirm if everything is REALLY Ok? And the emphasis on really is what we should all be looking at, no matter how comfortable we think we are.

I don't seek approval, yet respond well to acknowledgement, if I feel it is deserved. Writing as a form of art is so difficult to become good at. And it's not the mechanics or finding the time and the inspiration to write worthwhile pieces...even though these things are, at least for me, part of a long-term learning curve. I have found that for every one hundred people who read my stories, I will have one hundred different opinions about what that story has and what it lacks and what I could do to make it better. And the reality is that if I followed everyone's advice, there wouldn't be any of me left in the words.

Opinions are as unique as the individuals who come to my port and share their thoughts. But there is more to a review than advice. So much more than opinions or even knowledge. To me, there is the gift of their time and how good it feels to know that I am not the only one who sees my art.

The experience of being ignored taught me that no matter how busy or popular or whatever reason/excuse, I myself will always acknowledge those who gift me their time and thoughts here on WDC. Respect, appreciation and simple good manners are what matters to me, and not how important and/or talented one may consider themselves to be.

© Copyright 2021 Dr Gonzo (neilfury at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2248962-You