by Dr Gonzo
Many women suffer self-imposed guilt & put themselves last. Why? And what is the payoff?
|Say to a woman the only person she should put on a pedestal in her relationship is herself, and watch for the reaction. |
If instead, the man has been placed in that position, it is, in my opinion, more likely the relationship will suffer in the long term.
It goes against most people's beliefs, both for men and for women, for a woman to put her own needs above that of her partner's (I think we can exclude the children from this, as they are the very reason men and women choose to be together in the first place) and in some cases, women might have trouble putting themselves above the doormat.
From a very young age, girls are taught where their place is. And, it's not in the boardrooms, battlefields, or operating theatres (other than in a supporting role as nurses) that their limitations are being set.
No, women (in general) are preconditioned to perform more menial tasks (some are important roles yes...but, men are not being taught that they have an important role to play in the kitchen, or that that will be their place in life), tasks that are not just taught, but conditioned to believe.
The whole, 'boys should play with guns and girls with dolls' mentality would be fine if modern society could allow those antiquated rules for roles go (once boys and girls become adults), and let people be what they choose and deserve to become.
It is at best stereotyping, and at worst, discriminatory and is simply unfair unless the same opportunities are being offered to both genders, done genuinely, and not just as a token gesture meant to appease minority groups or politically correct do-gooders.
Equal opportunity should never be made easier for one group or another because that defeats the whole purpose of equality. And, if that means not many women will be on the front lines in battle because the training and mindset to kill another human being are not what they, as individuals, are cut out for, at least the chance to do something society or organisations consider unwise, comes down to an individual's decision to make, and not brainwashed from a young age into our psyche.
Society, along with expectations from those closer (family members), who really should know better, teaches that it is not OK for a woman to put herself first. And in fact, it is much more acceptable when she puts herself last.
Unfortunately, it is that very sacrifice, all be it noble and what is expected, that so many women find themselves feeling like they are being taken for granted.
The irony is that most men...and when I say the word men, I am talking about men who are not selfish, but selfless, understand that unless there is something more for women than being glorified servants and housekeepers, that in time, they will be faced with inevitable rebellion. They also know that there is no truer saying than 'happy wife, happy life'.
These selfless men I speak of, find women who are confident and put themselves above the relationship, attractive.
Confidence is attractive.
Sexy has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with attitude.
And, unlike what most women are conned into believing by the images they see and wish they could replicate, hot has absolutely nothing to do with being skinny...hot is the vibe men feel when they are in the presence of true beauty...and the only true beauty that exists comes from within.
When a woman believes in herself, people (both men and women) see this and are more likely to also believe in her.
There will always be those who think she is simply full of herself. And all anyone can say to this is, that's their right to believe. But, it is also their problem.
It should only be important what others think if a woman chooses for it to be that way. It is, in my opinion, much more important what SHE thinks of herself.
Putting herself above any relationship (except the children) should not be seen as selfish, but empowering and confidence-building (so long as she understands there are limits so as not to become a lonely monster).
When a relationship ends, and the woman is not the instigator, it's OK to still love and miss him, but (as a man I can assure you that this is true) the worst thing she can do is compromise her worth for another chance, even if she would kill for it.
She has to play the best hand she can by retaining her pride and dignity by keeping a positive outlook. To go out with friends and genuinely enjoy herself. And, when he sees her moving forward with a smile...he will wonder why he let her go.
It could appear as if I am assuming I know how it is for most women...and I want to clarify that I do not know how it is...how could I? I haven't spent one day living with all that a woman does throughout her life.
I may not know how it is, but I can empathize. What I do know, however, is that we men have been treating women in a fashion that we should feel ashamed of, for far too long. But, if things are to change, it won't be men who will, or even should, lead the way.
If women want equality and a fairer slice of this pie called life, they are going to have to demand it, rather than ask for it nicely.
It isn't going to happen unless women are prepared to basically go it alone...but do not fear girls, we men won't be far behind you, and ready to share the pie more fairly, once we get used to the idea that we no longer rule the roost alone.