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Rated: ASR · Article · Comedy · #2256503
This silly article is from The Local Gnus, a "newspaper" located in no particular locale.
Sailors Push For Better Berth Control

The atmosphere at the local marina is pregnant with expectation, as local sailors urge marina owners to implement better berth control.
The Wide Area Team of Experts on Resource Sharing (WATERS) is urging that marina owners take positive action against the false renting of berths and the unfair use of marina resources. Six months ago, WATERS began legal action against the marina. The lawsuit was recently placed on hiatus, however, because WATERS is broke. Funds are needed to keep the organization afloat.
WATERS alleges that an unknown person or persons has been illegally renting out berths already rented to marina members. The organization asserts that giving berths to others, and allowing others to give berths, is a breach of contract. Since the marina owners maintain no physical office and issue no berth certificates, such breach berth rentals have become all too common.
The result of the illigitimate berth rentals is confusion and rising anger. Sailors pull out and return to find another craft in their berth. Often, these legitimate marina members are forced to wait aboard their craft with no place to put it in until marina owners can be contacted. Even then, the marina owners have trouble locating the owners of the improperly berthed boats. When the owners of the craft are found, marina owners must then convince them that they have been duped.
Marina members have started referring to persons who illegally rent out berths as Gar. The term comes from the fish of the same name, because of the way these persons sink their teeth into prime boat slips that others have already caught. A local computer programmer has created a smartphone app to aid in reporting and blocking these Gar. Marina members are asked to download AppGar from Specialized Computer Operations for Rental Enterprises (SCORE). Sailors and others can use the app to report suspicious rental activity.
Marina owners are promising to provide better berth control for everyone, to prevent the marina population from exploding at each other in frustration.
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