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Rated: E · Fiction · Philosophy · #2262615
Finding oneself
Having made a fool of himself in front of his colleagues, Krish started walking, oblivious of his surroundings and the sarcastic remarks from his colleagues. The day's events flew by in front of his eyes. The design he drew of the application to be built had a lot of so-called "unprofessional" elements. "How can we project our company as a serious company if we do not follow the accepted standards?" "You need a bit more experience before you can design these things on your own". All these reactions made him see things with clarity. This has been his life. Norms - norms never attracted him. But that side of his had been coloured. Somewhere down the line, he started conforming. Teachers, colleagues, managers appreciated his work - "This is perfect! People like you bring new definition to perfection!"

The hollowness of this pursuit soon pulled him down the path of depression. Why should his work be perfect? Why should he be perfect? What does that achieve? He had learnt wrong lessons from life. Never before in his career had he walked away from the crowd and here today he started walking away from the approvers, the ones that tell him what is "acceptable". They made him an example for others.

God tested him until he started questioning his life himself. How long will he live a lie? Initially he blamed the world around him for making him a conformist. But soon that veil came off. He cared for their acceptance. He was now one of them. But the year long spiritual pursuit he had started made him look at himself. He started looking at himself and realised that the need to conform took away the most precious thing in life from him - spontaneity. Life appeared to give a lot of "lessons", but he had not realised that he became a part of the collective unconscious that builds veils to hide its inadequacies from itself.

Yes, he had felt inadequate. The pursuit for success was actually a pursuit to cover up the "inadequacies". Role models were built in society seemingly to inspire youth and students. But these role models turned out to be the epitomes of "adequacy". One should aim to be like them. Look at the attention they are getting. You need to pay a price to grab the society's attention. The price is loss of individuality. The more you conform to the image of perfection, the more you will be talked of. When this becomes ones pursuit, one is looking for satisfaction in the way others perceive one. How can satisfaction lie in society's perception? The truth is simple.

As his walk came to a halt, he realised he reached the end of the city. He stood there looking into the river that bordered the city. The ripples reflected the beautiful flaws in his personality.

He lived his life till now trying to be a perfect version of something. Today the whole lie laid bare in front of him. He felt relieved to know that he is mediocre and he can in fact be a failure. Looking good to someone else defined his past. Laying bare his ugly self unabashedly will define him from now on.

He hugged his ugly self to his heart's content.
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