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Rated: E · Letter/Memo · How-To/Advice · #2266081
It's time to DO something!
Dear Me,

You’re coming up on forty and I’m not seeing that lofty goal of our youth come to fruition. Isn’t it about time to, you know, reach for that prize of becoming a Published Author? Of course, you’ll have to actually write something first but, psh, that’s the easy-peasy part, right?

It’s the little things that keep you from achieving that life-long desire, but I’ve got some hints for you, if you can take a few minutes and hear me out.

I know how busy those eight minions can keep you. You’re running ragged teaching those little monsters how to take over the world and make a grilled cheese sandwich without burning down the lair. But if you could maybe, just maybe, get them to brush their fangs and toss them into bed earlier every night, you could find that evasive extra hour or two and start getting those words that are rollin’ around in your head out and onto paper. Or since we’re not that ten year old with the grubby notebook and pen anymore, type it up on our computer. Look at you, all modern and stuff!

Of course, then I know you have to contend with your SuperSpouse, Mathman, who wants you to run out and conquer the world with him Every. Single. Night. However, it is not outside the realm of reason to negotiate a deal with him and come to a compromise. He loves you, which is his Great Kryptonite. Use that to your advantage! Perhaps if you could merely overthrow a city, town, or village instead of the whole Earth you could find the opportunity to stare in frustration at the White Screen of Doom, eventually concocting the Best Selling Novel of all Time, and still get a good night’s sleep.

Now that we’ve got those two elephants out of the room, you need to get down to the nitty gritty. Remember that villainous villain, Dr. Procrastination, that keeps us from writing? I have a foolproof plan to vanquish that scoundrel and get our dream back on track. Listen close because I’m only going to say this once: Take that hour you wrenched back from the minions and Mathman and…write something every night.

I know what you're thinking. It’s so simple and yet so complicated, right? Here’s the thing, you’ve got to ignore how tired you are from using your super powers to block the combative frays between the minions all day long. Forget about the screaming of your bladder now that you have five seconds, without an audience, to use the toilet. That gnawing hunger that demands a midnight snack needs to be crushed. And use Orwell’s Theory of Doublethink to forget the very fact that every word you write sounds stupid and inane and just…write. I don’t care what it is. It can amount to nothing. It can be about nothing. It can be the longest sentence in the world or a short, ridiculous “once upon a time" story about an End and how that End was the End of a giant Giant. See? If I can do it, you can do it even better because you'll be older and wiser.

With all that practice I know this will be the year that you’ll have the courage to bring out that old novel you started back when we were younger and the minions were easier to contain, and give it another chance. That story has potential. It just, well, I know that you know that it needs work. But no worries, you’ve learned so much from that famous and intriguing writing site you love to frequent that you’ll definitely be able to use those improved skills to turn that story into something a publisher would be interested in reading and, who knows? Maybe even interested enough to publish!

So, Me, this upcoming year, just keep it simple and the rest will come.

Much love to myself,


P.S. Could’ja pleeeeease potty train that youngest minion already? It’s really hard to bring a super villain to justice when you’ve got to change a diaper mid-battle!

684 words

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