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Rated: ASR · Short Story · Comedy · #2268674
Something different. Funny maybe.
Joe sat in his tractor, bumping about on his fields, plowing when the radio under his beer belly spewed out some of the most interesting stuff he's heard.

*Mankind has made first contact with extraterrestrials just a few hours ago!
All the bumping and noise had his head in a daze, so he missed a great deal of the broadcast, trying to turn up the volume, but turning the EQ knobs instead.

"Darn lump of fat..." he muttered stopping the tractor, and adjusting himself in the seat, so he could see the radio's controls.

*.. They've landed in the woods just outside of town, the area nicknamed The Haunted Forest, and they're giving away awesome new tech to those who are willing to answer a few questions. They're asking you to approach them, and state what you were doing before going to see them. You can't miss em, they pretty much look like us, except they're all green and sometimes they let out these weird growling noises...* the radio lost the signal, much to Joe's dismay. He turned the tractor around, thinking he had to see these visitors for himself. Daydreaming about his newfound fame and riches he'd get for his gift from the aliens, he slid a CD into the radio, and hit all the buttons in quick succession until his ears were satisfied by music.
'Just the song for the occasion!' he thought turning onto the asphalt road leading toward the 'haunted forest' like any good farmer, he loved annoying all those fancy car owners with his slow ride.
Tesla's cover of Space Truckin' played in the cabin, as he bumped about occasionally singing along, changing the lyrics to "space tractoring" and sometimes "plowing"

Finally, an hour later he had arrived at the infamous haunted forest, and before even getting out, he spotted a pair of green legs in the thick undergrowth. This had to be one of them, it just had to. Hastily, he left the cabin, with his beer belly sloshing about, he ran up to the fellow in green, and with tingling excitement he said
"Howdy! I'm Joe, I'm a farmer and I was just out plowing." he stood patiently, about three feet from the green figure. In his anticipation for a response, a deep growl like noise made his hairs stand. 'My oh my, it's just like they said.' he thought.
Curiously, this noise was the only response he got for a few minutes, so he repeated the statement, over and over again...
Finally, an agitated voice, replied to his excited driveling...
"Hi. I'm Jack, I'm a hunter, and I was just takin' dump."
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