Karma Hotel Ch. 21 Nexus

After seeing Matthew's past life trauma, Sibylline summons Jarel, his reluctant guide.

Nexus

Chapter 21

Matthew felt embarrassed. He had just been caught eavesdropping, even though he had assumed the responsibility to monitor all non-physical activity at Hoyt House. But, this non-physical activity was extraordinary. His attention had been captured.
Greta found the comfort of a throw rug where she could zone out, having decided that humans, dead or alive, get way too complicated. When she spotted Matthew she merely gave him that doggie head tilt, watching him carefully drift into the bedroom.
Could this be a dream? Matthew had a sense of shock, as if his world was about to change without knowing why. Changes began with the arrival of Margot Green. And here is another change. He felt like a moth drawn to a flame. I just feel like I'm supposed to be here with Margot and that "Brightness". That was the only word he could come up with for Sibylline's appearance.
"Hi, Matthew. Please join us. I'm glad you're here." Sibylline hallucinated a dark green overstuffed chair for him and gestured to him to recline.
For some reason he felt deep trust, an uncommon feeling for the guardian of Hoyt House. He really ought to be saying, 'Hey you! What are you doing here?' Instead, Matthew felt like a child being led by an authority figure. He slowly lowered himself onto the etheric chair cushions, which gave in slightly.
Sibylline didn't expect that another ghost would show up, especially at a time like this. Just who is this guy anyway? So, she telepathically threw to him the idea of closing his eyes. At this point he was so suggestible that his eyes began to feel heavy and they soon closed.
Margot watched with fascination. I've never seen a trance induction like that before.
She looked deeply into him. She noticed heavy dreary curtains hanging all around. They practically reeked of guilt, obligation and horrible memories. Yet looking more deeply, it became apparent to her that there is a lot more to Matthew. He is very at home in the afterlife. He manages Hoyt House as if it was his own. There is more to this. I'll dive in.


Sibylline found herself in what felt like a uniform. A soiled white tunic surrounded by another vestment, filthy white with a large red cross on it. This man was strong enough to easily wield heavy shields and swords in battle. Years of brutal repetitive training made it so. She felt extremely rigid. Duty first or die. No compromises here and failure is no option.
To learn more about this Sibylline backed away to zoom out and see the bigger picture that includes his current circumstances. Maybe she can connect the dots between then and now.
A vision of Matthew extending himself as if he were a large canopy. It surrounded a collection of dead knights who had fallen in battle. What is this? It seems to be about protection. But, why?
The look on Matthew's face spoke volumes. He looked lost. He was weighted down with responsibility and guilt. And of course the ever present vow ringing out: "Duty to the One! Death to the enemies of Christ!"
Sibylline had seen souls like this before. They occupy lifetimes simultaneously. If one is in trouble, all are impacted in one way or another. And this cluster of Souls shared one motto: Duty First or Die.
Like reading a book, she turned the page and a face jumped forward. A woman alone with a tortured expression. Sibylline felt intense grief and guilt. Words filled Matthew's atmosphere. 'I am responsible for her death. Nothing is going to change that'.
How long has he been stuck like this? Matthew has been in "emotional concrete" since the Middle Ages. Watching Matthew became fascinating. Even though those traumatic events took place so long ago, he experienced them as if they were happening in his now. And his now seems to be lasting a long, long time.
Like reading a book, she turned the page and a face jumped forward. A woman alone with a tortured expression. Sibylline felt intense grief and guilt. Words filled Matthew's atmosphere. 'I am responsible for her death. Nothing is going to change that'.
In other words, Sibylline could tell that he was a mess. And for how long? Something didn't ring true about this. All souls who have been in the flesh have at least one spiritual guide.
For a large project like him, a spirit guide would have to be grounded in multiple dimensions simultaneously. One would have to reach down into the lower astral realm of dense and dark emotions while keeping foot in the oneness.
A journey through human muck was not Sibylline's speciality. She held great respect for those spirit guides who do. After all, such a guide for Matthew need a grasp of Medieval times. And they would need to have developed a talent for persuading Medieval humans, who tend to be rigid and superstitious.
Sibylline wondered at this: Matthew would sure benefit from some guidance and support. Where were his "coincidence managers"? In other words, where is this man's help?
To her left she saw a door open to reveal a man looking like a wizard. He wore a tall deep blue pointed hat and a long silver beard. Instead of showing interest in Matthew, he sat on a stool next to an end table, quietly playing solitaire with a deck of Bicycle playing cards.
He stopped his card shuffling and looked up, his large blue eyes seeming to radiate humor and ease. "This is not what it looks like. He and I made a deal, a contract as it were. I have to be patient with Matthew's hubris. He believes that he can fulfill any mission using his own resources, without my help. And that gets him in trouble. Frequently."
"Trouble like this?", Sibylline asked, spreading her arms at Matthew's dilemma.
He grinned at her. "During this particular lifetime he chose to be disconnected from me in such a way that he cannot see or hear me. To make matters worse, when I do manage to get through, whether it's subtle or obvious, he just dismisses it as mere imagination. And for how long, you ask. His situation must be really dire and dark before he asks for me." He shuffled again and raised his eyebrows. "That's the deal we made."
Sibylline knew well the challenges humans often give to their guides. "Looks dark and dire to me. Who in their right mind would plan such a mess without support?"
"Only a soul who chooses to grow and expand the hard way: karma. Evolve by overcoming limitations. Earth humans are famous for doing life hard way. For them, it's a badge of honor."
The spirit guide hallucinated a flat screen monitor to display some of Matthew's multiple incarnations. They included many roles that he had chosen to play over time. What's it like to be a victim? What's it like to be a perpetrator? Do a lifetime as a hero and admired by all followed by another lifetime where he was crippled and limited by fear. And a few lifetimes as a monk.
Sibylline was impressed. "Nice portfolio. Many kinds of roles he's played. What's got him so stuck now?"
Jarel straightened his hat and set his cards aside. "I'm supposed to keep my nose out of his affairs, but I'll just bend the rules a bit. Like a TV remote control, he tilted his palms. I'll give her a glimpse of what's so troubling. The monitor displayed a rotating carousel. Floating windows showing life experiences drifted by, round and round. Eventually, the carousel stopped. It seemed to know where to go. "Let's eavesdrop."
"Follow me." Jarel and her easily stepped right into the scene acting as voyeurs. A tall figure appeared wearing a long robe with a white tunic bearing a red cross. In his right hand was a flag pole which had a flag looking the same. He looked to be hovering in a murky pus colored atmosphere. Dead bodies of fallen Templar knights scattered about as if frozen in time. Jarel and Sibylline could feel the sense of heavy responsibility here. They understood without being told: This man feels responsible. He is supposed to rescue these dead knights somehow.
"This isn't Purgatory is it?", Sibylline asked.
Jarel solemnly shook his head. "These dead knights were

Sibylline said, "I thought that Templar Knight Finders were just legends. Wow."
"Yeah, wow. On Omarius' last mission locating dead Templar Knights, the castle fell to siege. His resting body back in his cell was hacked to death. Omarius was lost, with no way back to the castle, not that it mattered without a living body. This is where he got stuck.
"He takes pride at getting himself un -stuck, no matter how long it takes. But, pride goeth before the fall. And now he's bogged down with memories from this lifetime where he has been helplessly lost for centuries."
Sibylline gave him a stern look. "Centuries?" He should feel what's it like to be stuck for centuries and then maybe do something to help.
He calmly shuffled his cards again and looked up. "Understand, Sibylline, it's always been about his choice. He has the final say when it comes to personality choices versus what choices the soul would prefer. Ultimately, he finds his way and acquires a certain strength." He laid out the cards out for another solitaire and said dryly, "It can take a long time, let me tell you."
"But?..."
"Oh, he held up a hand. "I've spent decades hand-wringing and feeling helpless over what I was witnessing with Matthew. Over time I learned a technique to help a keep distance. I call it eavesdropping on myself. It's like a psychological re-framing."
"Yet, Sibylline asked, "Aren't the both of you missing out? There were so many opportunities to support him, maybe even enlighten him at bit. Now those opportunities are long gone."
"I agree. But, he prefers to do that sort of learning afterward, during life review."
Sibylline got it. "You have to do this his way. Stubborn, yet reliable."
He nodded, "Yes! Almost too much so. As a soul, Matthew has been bound up with duty and obligations for a very long time."
It occurred to Sibylline that their conversation seemed to be at a turning point. "So, here we are. By the way, what name do you prefer to be known as?"
He replied evenly, "Names are, of course, more important to our human personalities than to us. But, I have no objections to having a name. Matthew remembers me as Jarel. Lately, Jarel the bored card player."
Sibylline nodded as if to say, Yep.
"It gets a bit complicated with Matthew. Which lifetime to review after death? And what are we looking for? Lessons learned, strengths gained or debts paid."
Sibylline nodded. She was beginning to have respect for Jarel. He's got a handle on the complexities of the bigger picture view. Matthew's soul contracts seem to be multi-faceted. "You are referring to his learning passages."
Jarel smiled and chuckled. "Yes, that's what these reviews are about, ideally. Sometimes I jab him with, 'Well Matthew. Perhaps you will make better choices next time when it comes to women, eh? '" Jarel paused to chuckle and looked upward as if to chuckle at Heaven.
"Matthew is a rescuer. He's wired that way. But, he just loves it when I remind him that his personal ambitions fall short of his ability to fulfill them."
"Ouch." She replied.
"He needs an ouch once in a while. A few reality checks for him."
Sibylline caught the humor and chuckled at it. "We are at a nexus, Jarel. A most interesting crossing point. You and I are here with our soul personalities each in dire circumstances. Mine has already been through her crash and burn phase. And through that experience has re-connected with me. What about yours?"
"As one can see, he crashed and burned long ago, attempting the impossible in my opinion. His 'I can handle it!' message got stuck in time because situations got the better of him. In the end, he got stuck with a collection of dead Templar knights in one of those old battle fields." He then sneered, "Lower astral muck memories."
Sibylline nodded and made a yuck face.
"Even to this day the physical dirt and rocks sing out the story of the brave knights who perished here. And his past life is right in the thick of it."
"Wasn't that a very risky occupation? Talk about hubris!"
"Nevertheless, by our contract I had to leave him alone, more or less, till?... Sorry but, it's been so long that I don't remember all the specifics of our agreement."
Sibylline's eyes brightened. "If you don't remember the specifics, most likely he doesn't remember them either. Maybe you can intervene and get away with it. Besides," she looked upward and rubbed her chin, "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission. I have an idea."
Jarel always loved creative solutions. "An idea for what?"
"What's his name, Omar... something?. He could be called for a new mission. One that's not altogether different than his previous one of releasing dead Templars to the Light."
"What would that be?"
"To help Margot with the dead at Hoyt House."
"Show me what you mean", Jarel said.

Sibylline hallucinated a pair of closed pocket doors for him. All right Sibbie, she told herself, we can do this. Now focus. At the count of one, two, three?, both doors opened into the Hoyt House dining room.
Jarel pulled together his blue robe and adjusted his conical hat before entering. He glided into the dining room and just stood there quietly feeling it all. Then he inhaled deeply of the atmosphere. There's plenty of unfinished business here.
He saw Constance staring out a bay window, statue like. He noticed a lonely grey sadness around her. Next he became aware of Jill, stuck in a wheelchair. Jarel recognized deep fear with her. His attention then caught Randy dancing around to his music. He looked lost.
Jarel heard a deep rumbling from below. He had no idea what caused the vibrations. All he could tell was that a child had just died, again. So, he cast his awareness to the basement. There he saw Skippy, who seemed to be hiding for some reason. Next he saw a woman in a fancy corseted dress from a bygone era looking around for something. She was weeping and moaning. A vision of an empty baby carriage explained why.
"Maybe the two of them could work on this. What a collection of sad souls." He corrected himself. "No, they're just sad fragments of people's lives."
Sibylline was about to tell Jarel about the offer she was going to give to Margot when Jarel caught a familiar scent. "Hang on a moment please." That aroma! What is it?
He noticed a feeling in what would have been his stomach. It was a pleasant rumbling. Bread! That's it. But, bread in the afterlife? He looked around and saw a moving vignette of two people making bread in the kitchen. They seemed to be pleased, busy with their tasks.
He grinned. "Are you aware that dead bread makers live there?"
"Of course," she grinned. "The Bernbaum's. They're still making bread for WW2 soldiers. They are only ghosts here who are not troubled about anything."
Jarel was fascinated at the idea. "Hmm. So you propose that we conspire together for the benefit of Margot and Matthew?"
"Not only those two." She gestured at Hoyt House. "It's also for the miserable ones. I gather that you saw them."
"I did," Jarel replied. "Will they always be like this? Repetition repeating itself?"
"Until something radically changes at Hoyt House, I don't see them translating any time soon." Margot asked the same question, Sibylline reminded herself.
"I love it! A kind of symbiosis. They get to learn and grow while trying to liberate the dead."
Jarel's mental self was buzzing now as he considered the possibilities. "I know how to find Omarius."

End of Karma Hotel

Part One