I’m the kind of girl who can’t be present all the time. I’ve had to create another world to help me feel safer from this one, and there are times where I only can put so much energy into this world, I retreat into my world. This world is so demanding! I have a hard time catching up, and being ready for whatever life throws at me. I find myself disconnecting, even zoning out that looks as though I’m comatose in a way, which means my body is functioning, but my mind is deep into my world. It's forced me not to respond to my environment; I can hear people, but I cannot put my attention on them, and I’ve reached my limit emotionally in this world…all of the attention is on my world.
It’s not to be rude. It’s my way of unplugging for a while so I can refocus, and get my thoughts back on track. My trauma demands attention, I know it sounds weird, but it’s true…it is in my face every day. There are times that I can push it down deep, and worry about it later, then there are times that I can’t worry about it later…it’s heavy.