What if?

a shortish poem

what if what if what if
what if he's there
what if he sees me
what if he still thinks of me
what if it could happen
that's what my stupid heart tells me
it could never happen

all these what ifs are driving me crazy
controlling all my thoughts and actions
dragging my friends to a restaurant
that I think he might work at
praying that he happens to be working
at 2 on a random Wednesday afternoon

what if what if what if
what if he's there
what if he sees me
what if he still thinks of me
what if it could happen
that's what my stupid heart tells me
it could never happen

now I'm ditching my friends to go,
go to a party with people I hardly know
because I know he was invited
so it's always what if he happens to come
although I know we won't
and then it only leaves me disappointed
when he's not there even though I knew he wouldn't be
but it's always

what if what if what if
what if he's there
what if he sees me
what if he still thinks of me
what if it could happen
that's what my stupid heart tells me
it could never happen
what if
what if
what if