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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2296802
A life-saving message is delivered to a couple of roofers.

         Beau and Jacques Dufer, twin brothers and owners of Dufer’s Roofing Company, were putting the finishing touches on Farmer Bensen's barn roof when, from out of nowhere, a spaceship landed next to them.
         With dropped jaws and paralyzed tongues, the brothers stood transfixed, unable to move. Both watched, through bulging eyeballs as the spaceship's hatch opened. Exiting the spaceship, its sole occupant walked toward the brothers and asked, “Is this Earth?”
         Beau slowly turned to face his brother; Jacques did the same. Then, forcing their petrified necks to twist so their heads once again faced their guest, in unison, with perfect diction, the brothers answered, “Uh-huh.”
         “Terrific. My name is Spamrisk; call me Spam, if you like. I have been sent to this beautiful planet of yours to deliver an important message. Please, if you will, take me to your leader.”
         Experiencing a sudden case of the jitters, Jacques sputtered a stuttering, “W-w-well, I-I'm th-the oldest, so I g-g-guess I'm the leader.”
         Beau immediately registered his objection, “Yeah, Jacques, you may be older, by maybe three minutes, but I put up most of the money to keep this outfit afloat. No, Spam. I'm the leader. You can give me the important message.”
         The subsequent shouting match ended when Spamrisk calmly, but sternly pronounced, “Okay you two, consider yourselves co-leaders. I'm short on time, so listen-up.”
         With contorted facial expressions the roofers anxiously awaited Spamrisk’s important message. Grandiloquently, the space traveler delivered to the co-leaders of Earth the following important two word message: “Wear sunscreen.”
         Jaques could not believe what he was just told to do. “That's it? Wear sunscreen. That's your important message?”
         “Yeah,” chimed Beau. “Ya land here from who knows where to tell us to do what? If ya ain't got any better important messages, ya can get back into your spaceship and go back to where ya came from.”
         “Okay," Spamrisk huffed. "But don’t tell the people of Earth I didn’t give warning."
         Buckling in the spaceship, Spamrisk left the roofers with these parting words: “You have been given some life-saving advice. It is up to you to pass it along or bury it under a pile of roof shingles. Good bye, Earth Leaders.” And in a flash, Spamrisk and the spaceship were gone.
         As the roofers watched the spaceship disappear from view, Beau turned to Jaques and said, “You know, Spam never did say why we should wear sunscreen. Do ya think we should?”
         Armed with the knowledge and wisdom of an older brother, Jaques answered. “I ain't wearin' any. I read somewhere on the interweb that sunscreen stuff can penetrate through the skin and into the bloodstream and cause all kinds of problems. Besides, gettin' a little baked by the sun ain't harmful; it's good for you.”
         Convinced his brother knew what he was talking about, Beau sided with a thumbs up gesture. “I'm with you, Bro. Toss me another cold one.”

WC: 484

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