Five days

Processing the passing of my dear step-father. Pot. distressing content, theme of suicide

Five days
Five days until two years
It's five days until it's been two years since you
since you
since you picked up your keys, left your wallet
and the entirety of life behind
since you
since you drove out, crossing the tall blue bridge
for the last time

It's five days until it's been two years since I
since I
since I noticed the heaviness of the day
and didn't yet understand why
since I
since I returned the first call of the rest of my life
without you

It's five days until it's been two years since you
since you
since you sat on your pillow, facing the sea, playing some melody
concluding your existence with a final cigar
and I
I started asking the vastness again and again why
not why you left, not why you chose death

but why when you decided to leave
you didn't say goodbye to me
do you know that I
that I
that I
will search for that note until the day
I