Song to a Minstrel

I was 28 and an idiot. After 40 years, I'm still thanking God for this unanswered prayer.

Song to a Minstrel
For SDG

You were ever sad love song I’d ever sung,
         every poetic lament I’d ever written.
But the music stopped too quickly,
         the final chord was unresolved.
We were a couplet that could not rhyme,
         a sonnet that would not scan.

If I hadn’t cared
         it wouldn’t matter.
But I let you through my defenses.
My soul opened to you
         as a thirsty flower
         to the summer rain.

I surrendered so easily,
         trusting you completely.
In those first, fleeting days
         you showed me the kind of happiness
         I never thought I’d know.
You awakened a passion I didn’t know
         I could feel.

I tried to be everything you desired.
I wanted to be for you what you were for me.
But I could never touch your heart,
         never find my way inside that wall you’d
         built around your feelings.
There was always a part of you that pushed me away,
         even while you held me close.

But you passed through my life,
         and now I know the numbing ache
         of a heart torn by the jagged edge
         of a shattered hope.

And all I have left are the memories.
Sometimes memory is a leaden weight that
         threatens to crush me into oblivion.
But still I cling to those brief flashes
         of sunlight in a time filled with rain.

I have known what it was to lose myself
         in the depths of your blue-gray eyes.
I have known the taste of your kisses,
         sweeter, more heady than wine.
I have known the heart-rending innocence
         of your sleeping face.
I have known the security of your embrace,
         the warmth of your body against mine.
I have known the touch of your powerful hands,
         maddening in their tenderness.

For the hundred ways you touched my body,
         my heart, and my mind,
         you have my gratitude.
For those few moments of tenderness,
         you have my love.
Because if I could live it all again,
         knowing the heartbreak,
         the pain of the outcome,
I’d do it gladly.

This time I’d make the most
         of missed opportunities.
I would not take for granted
         any tender gesture,
         any kind word.
I would love completely,
         with no reservation.
Because all we ever had was today and now.
I would not hope for tomorrow.