When words should matter

words hurt, that's a fact. but whose words should hurt you? whose words matter?

Now where do i begin with this? i guess we should take it step by step.

So, words can hurt we all know that. and before elaborating any further let us keep in mind that we're talking about how words HURT not OFFEND. for example: even from a stranger, the word "deranged" would offend you as a description (assuming you see it does not fit you and thus it is an insult). meanwhile a statement such as "i hate you" hurts, but it will depend on who says it.
And in that regard, let us start asking: whose words hurt?

Let us try to answer that in 3 different parts.

First of all: words that hurt, which are accompanied by emotions.

And they are basically in the category of "i hate you". a strong statement but only strong when said by the right person. if a stranger walked to me and said "i hate you" i would simply say :" go stand in line you're not the first", sarcasm and jokes are a typical reaction to meaningless words. but if "i hate you" is said by someone i love, i care about: then that's when it hits home and that's when it MATTERS.
so in this case: the words that carry emotions from those you love: matter. a simple conclusion that all of us know i assume.

Second: words that hurt, which are accompanied by expectations.


Ah yes, expectations: the bane of every young human, especially talented ones. let us take an example:
Imagine a pianist prodigy, able to play all sorts of complex musical pieces in a very young age. this kid will obviously be under everyone's radar, praising him is a natural thing to do and if you don't then you're in the wrong. that form of social pressure will obviously push even ordinary people to praise the kid, even though they barely understand how extraordinary it is to do what he does.

And obviously the kid will take that praise seriously and take into consideration the opinions of others on his work, even though they don't have the knowledge to evaluate it. later on the kid grows, as do the expectations of everyone around him. he puts his heart and soul into making more musical pieces yet is always met with that same "good job" from those who do not understand what he does. FastForward, and the young man gets to face his first upset, an inevitable reality. yet even then, the praise from those who never understood him turns into knives of "criticism" that brutally stab his confidence, for no reason whatsoever. and that outcome is to be expected when you're trying to please those who never cared what you actually do.

however, our talented young man gets back on his feet again. how? well first he remembers that there are people he loves and so he wants to play for them again. and he also remembers that there are people out there who understand the complexity of his work and so decides to keep playing to get more advice from them and improve, and he remembers as well those who guided him through his journey, so he decides to make their efforts worthwhile. sounds like a logical turn of thoughts, right?
In the end he recovers, as what would have really broken him were words of disappointment from those same people he stood up again for.

And so, we establish here that again the words that carry expectations from your loved ones matter, but also so do the words of those who saw and helped in your struggle, and those who understand what you're doing.

Finally: words that hurt, which are accompanied by truth

Earlier we mentioned that if someone called you "deranged" and it is not true, then things end there. you might be offended but surely won't be hurt inside. but what if they said is true? what if deep down you know that their description is accurate? that's when it's more about the words rather than who is saying them.
A stranger can go to an orphan and simply say " don't act like you know what a family is when you don't have one". cruel, as it uses a reminder of a truth to hurt someone effectively. in another case, a killer who just got out of jail after serving his sentence would still be hurt whenever society reminds of his guilt, though he would only be hurt if he really regretted it...
Truth hurts, you probably heard that a lot, and here we only establish it again.

So now you get the picture i presume?
those you love should be the only ones able to hurt you with words that carry emotions, or expectations.
And in the case of expectations, pay heed only to those of your loved ones and those of people who shared your journey all the way, as strangers judge only by results, while those close to you take circumstances into consideration as well. making setbacks less painful and your success mor enjoyable.
As for the truth, maybe it hurts. but we can still live with it. be it a sad reality, or an ugly one: do not ignore it or downplay it, just accept it by time. like those who did before, and those who will do so after you.

With this, i hope you'll have less knives ,disguised as words, pointed at you.