To the wind

This is how I feel rn

Dear World,
I write to you with a heavy heart. With a watery eye, these words are written. With a cloudy mind, words my lips couldn’t convey to you is drawn. My heart aches and my life pays for it.

I wish I could call my mom and tell her how tired I am. I wish I could, for once, tell my dad. I wish my friends would see me beyond my smiles.

Guess what, I owe myself to be a man and walk through this storm.

I have always wanted to be alone at home, now I feel so alone far from home. How do I tell people how lonely traveling to another country to survive is? It’s like a weed among flowers.

All my life I’ve lived to seek validation from people. All my 24 years of life I feel like it has been autopiloted by people. And i can’t make sound decisions by myself as a man. Whatever people think of me, as a weak man, I realized it is true.

I have tried my best, I would lie to you if I say I had not, but it’s a worthless push. It’s never enough.

I wish I could write these words with a sound mind but I am afraid my emotions wouldn’t help me.

I ask myself every night, does it ever get better.
Dear World, please be kind to me.