Ache of Souls

Can pain be repaired when it hits soul deep?

Lai'ael looked down on his Solwyn, the soul he was to be guiding, protecting, and teaching. Instead, he provided this soul his disdain and disgust for its shortcomings and failures. "Pathetic Mairon has been over the years," he muttered, partially to himself, but not opposed to Thul's overhearing

Thul's essence bled with shock and disappointment. This has been a common trend for Lai'ael over the past decade or so. A Sol's job, sacred duty, was to watch over their Solwyn; an Earth-bound soul. A Sol knew the trials and tribulations it took to transcend—the difficulties, pain, sacrifice, love, and joy it took - and brought - to master life's lessons. Souls were to be cared for, nurtured. A Sol was to balance compassion with tough love, allowing natural lessons while providing protection and guidance.

"Does Mairon not deserve some patience, Lai'ael?" Thul challenged. "Their soul has barely reached ten lifetimes." Thul, recently transcended within the past millennium, and felt very strongly of his duties to his Solwyn. There was a feeling of personal duty and obligation to stand up on the battered Soul's behalf.

Lai'ael flared, just for a beat, with dissatisfaction from Thul's response. Lai'ael has done this for a millennium more, at least, than Thul. Thul, only a heartbeat in comparison to his time and efforts put in, what did they know of such?

"These Solwyns, Thul, need to learn on their own sometimes. We grow yet too soft when we catch their every fall", their essence seeped, knowing, experience. "They continue more lifetimes, take longer to earn a seat in the Ethers, because we intervene too much."

Thul pulsed with uncertainty. Their lavender hue grew gradually darker the more they questioned their elder. "Or, maybe, it is we who grow impatient and forget."

A statement said with confidence, Lai'ael took notice. They would not be changing Thul's mind anytime soon. Nonetheless, Lai'ael's own mind remained unswayed. Just as Mairon, who, on Earth, is a 32-year-old drunkard referred to as 'Joshua' after his earthly father, Lai'ael, had also spent time on Earth. Lai'ael had done this time and time again. Each soul who now resides in the Ethers, teaching other Solwyns, looking out for them. They were not the first to transcend, to graduate, and ascend onto teaching other Solwyns. Lai'ael was one of the first, however, within the top ten. Lai'ael was old. And with that old came experience, and with that, wisdom.

"Alright," Lai'ael chuckled, beaming slightly with pride. Despite the disagreement, it was not accompanied by disapproval. In fact, it made him feel slightly warm in his center. He thought of his most bonded Sol family, Fyniti. She was with him in almost every lifetime, and ascended just 17 years after him. She was his first Solwyn, as he gladly took the role shortly after he had ascended and earned the title of Solis.

Each Sol was their own individual. However, they were all also one. Connected by a deep and ancient bond, before being condemned to time on Earth, they earned their freedom. Lai'ael was there before the section of the universe the souls were permitted to reside within was created. They had forgotten themselves and attempted to rise against another sect of ascended beings, too many on Earth known as 'Gods'. To teach the Sol, the gods sectioned off a small bit of the universe, set in the rules and the laws. They built and provided Earth, the laws of the galaxy. And the Sols were not permitted to leave such until each had ascended to Solis, and further, to God. Then, and only then, could they roam all the universes freely. The Sol were one of the youngest beings of the universe.

The souls were the ones who had reigned over Earth at this time, the Gods having transcended beyond them, who also started as souls. Eons and eons transcended beyond that transition, however. Many Earth beings still confuse this. Often referring to their Solis, what Lai'ael was to Joshua, as a God, Gods, Guardian Angel. At least the Solwyns within the human bodies did such, as did some other complex beings, such as whales, elephants, chimps, and so on. In a sense, and to the humans' credit, the Solis were their Gods, just not as they knew them.

Souls can and do inhabit anything on Earth with life. Humans, of course. Animals, trees, amoebas, germs, insects, so on and so forth. Lai'ael had been them, at least once through. His favorite and fondest lifetime being a tree, where they learned patience, stillness, calm, and observation. Lai'ael had been around on Earth before even humans. Fyniti first joined Lai'ael in the tree lifetime, though she learned grounding, spreading self, and strength.

"Well?" Thul thrummed, interrupting the deep thoughts Lai'ael did not even realize he had become consumed in.

Lai'ael shook himself. "Well..." Lai'ael bled humor into their essence.

Thul bled annoyance into theirs. "Lai'ael, are you... Alright?"

An odd question, as not alright did not exist in the Ethers. Lai'ael allowed that to thrum through him and out to Thul in soft yellow waves. Thul, who was a Sol family member of Lai'ael and had also spent several lifetimes with him, did not typically act this odd.

"You've just been," They paused a moment, mulling over how to convey their thought. "You've been off for the past few decades, maybe even a century. And Joshua, well, do you not think maybe he wouldn't be further along if you were more involved? Does he not deserve a chance?"

Lai'ael tried to pay attention, but to be honest, they could not really be bothered. Instead, they allowed themselves to drift back into thought and fond memories of past lifetimes. Where life was less mundane. Thul, Fyniti, and a handful of others, in various lives and forms. Again, Lai'ael thought of Fyniti and a life where they lived as birds together. It was just one spring into summer. It was not a long life by any stretch of the imagination. But it was grand, it was free. It was the opposite of a tree's life. They could move, they could sing. They could stretch and fear and hide. They dust bathed. They lay together as birds do and slept, and hatched chicks. Their small life was beautiful.

The Ethers were not a place that could be conceived. It was not affected by the time the way Earth was, and did not inhibit a place. It just was, and that is where the souls resided and where one went once one had passed on, or visited in dreams. Sols are not male or female in the Ether. But in each life, they wear new names, new bodies. They obeyed the laws of which they inhabit. In the Ether, however, they are recognized and known by essence, not appearance. However, each did have a slight hue and aura about them that was created with their essence. This is how Lai'ael and Thul recognized one another. They were, essentially, energy with sentience. Souls had no true gender in the Ether, only essence. Yet some, like Lai'ael, clung to fragments of who they had once been—echoes of lifetimes etched too deeply to forget. He felt more drawn to his male lives, though he spent several as a female, several as neither, several as both.

Thul thrummed with annoyance. "This is a serious responsibility, Lai'ael. How many times have you interceded in Mairon's life lines?" Thul pressed, as if this was urgent business, a test.

Lai'ael, humored but proud, answered honestly. "A handful of times. There was once two lifetimes ago when he was a squirrel and Quaris's Solwyn almost ran him over in a fit of rage. I simply shifted their squirrel form to the side. It wasn't their fault that Quaris's Solwyn couldn't be bothered to contain their emotions to watch the road and value the sanctity of life for a moment." Lai'ael grew more disdainful as they went on.

"And since?" Thul pressed further, annoyance and urgency growing in their tone.

"And since I have..." Lai'ael trailed off, contemplating. "Well, there was definitely at least one time. I believe there was a bully in high school, I had Nir shape up." Their essence and voice were nonchalant.

Thul's energy turned to what could only be described as when humans lower and excessively rub their faces in tensed silence. "I... While you are my elder, Lai'ael, and I respect you greatly, I am deeply concerned for your lack of care for your Solwyn. I think..." Their voice faltering slightly, but then composure and confidence were regained, "I think you need to reflect, and remember your time as a Solwyn. Remember your time on Earth". Thul thrummed a pink that reflected a nostalgia similar to one Lai'ael was just feeling and experiencing. "Joshua cannot possibly learn without you. And you could not have possibly learned without your Solis. Remember that, Lai'ael. Earth, while sensual and beautiful, is also dangerous and vile. Mairon's Sol family in this lineage has also not done great, and thus, Mairon has little positive guidance.",

This was turning into a lecture, Lai'ael thought in annoyance, and attempted to keep that essence to themself.

"That responsibility falls, well, fell, to you. And I suggest you get involved now before he winds up back here needing to -

"Dead, Thul. Don't lighten your meaning to spare me", Lai'ael interrupted, now becoming frustrated with Thul. "You want me to intervene before Joshua ends up dead, ceases to exist ever again, and Mairon needs to start a whole new life line."

Sols grieved the lives they lived. While the Sol does not die, the beings they were did. The tree, the birds, the people Lai'ael were, they do not exist anymore. Sometimes, they were grieved by others on Earth even as well. Lai'ael was them, yes. But the Lai'ael that was a tree and the Lai'ael that was a bird were one and the same and two different beings all at the same time. He would not get to live the same lifeline again.

"Yes. And that waste of a lifeline will be on you." This time Thul thrummed cold, not holding back, sending it Lai'ael's way. Thul was disappointed, even disgusted, by Lai'aels lack of respect for Mairons life lines.

Again, Lai'ael felt a sense of humor and pride intermixed, and did not shield that in his essence that flowed to Thul. Lai'ael dismissed themselves from the conversation despite this, because what they did hide was the exhaustion that underlaid this interaction, and every interaction had for the past decade. So tired, in fact, Lai'ael could feel it in their bones, well, if they had any. Thul did not fight this abrupt dismissal.

After a bit of rest, Lai'ael went back to looking after Joshua, rather, looking at him. He was 35 now, still struggling with alcohol, and quite depressed.

Blasted 35!? Lai'ael thought to themselves. How long did I rest in Earth years?

The energy that radiated off of him would have been that of a middle to older aged man, beer belly, balding, in underwear and a bathrobe, swaying open, scratching his head confusedly. He was 32 last I checked on him... Still clinging to the bottle, I see, Lai'ael judged. He went to Earth to sit next to Joshua, in a sense, of course. He was both there and not, as the Ethers were everywhere, and nowhere, as it did not take up space.

"Blast it, Mairon, at this rate you'll be doing 20 full lifetimes before you learn a thing," Lai'ael muttered to themselves, as Mairon couldn't perceive him in any way. Though he, as Joshua, would be able to, in some sense, ever so slightly, if he bothered to put down the bottle, get his head out of his ass, and pay attention to some damn signs dropped for him every now and again.

Though as Lai'ael sat there thinking, he caught himself also wondering, what signs? He shook this thought quickly away and observed Joshua further. His house was a mess, with bottles everywhere, food left out for days, maybe weeks, and dishes piled.

"Mairon, please," Lai'ael pleaded, desperation leaking from him out to a being that cannot perceive it. Of course, nothing came of it.

Josh walked through him and into the kitchen, taking a swing from his beer bottle, left out from the previous night. Josh shuffled, more than walked, but was not yet drunk enough to need to lean on the walls as he entered the kitchen. Lai'ael followed. There, he observed and felt the utter sadness, self-loathing, and hatred coming from Joshua. It radiated off of him in roils, smelling stronger than the alcohol.

How did I not notice this before? Lai'ael thought to himself. He took a quick meander around, trying to find an answer, anything to explain the mess that was Mairon...Josh.

Lai'ael found an obituary for Josh's dad, who, unbeknownst to Josh, was Ferla, a Sol family member that was very close and bonded with Mairon. Like Fynitit.

This loss would hit exceptionally hard, all loss did. But what humans did not know is that the loss of a bonded member hit exceptionally hard and was difficult to overcome. But, leaving one another, letting one another feel this loss, was agreed upon by all Sols. It was a lesson learned. There is love in loss. Life in pushing past death.

Josh, however, was failing this area. Lai'ael, with a heavy sigh, lightly encouraged the obituary fall off the top of the fridge, likely placed up there to be forgotten, and flit gently in front of Josh's face. As Josh opened the fridge, the paper clipping of the obituary fell. Josh looked at it, and Lai'ael pulsed with encouragement

Yes, yes. Look Mairon. Look and feel.

Josh looked. He looked and he placed it in the trash along with his now empty beer bottle. He turned back to the fridge, grabbed another beer, waddled back to his living room, and sat in his chair, still covered in the previous night's throw-up and maybe even filth.

Lai'ael thought himself back to the Ethers above, away from the filthy hole Mairon...Josh called home. It was hard to think of other Sols as their current life form, and not an ethereal being full of knowledge and infinite wisdom. Lai'ael frequently caught himself thinking of Josh as Mairon, not Josh, and thus judging him as so. The way he drinks, he'll be Mairon again soon.

Lai'ael went to Fyniti, and without words, Fyniti knew that Lai'ael sought comfort and quiet. And she gave Lai'ael just that. Lai'ael concealed the sense of failure, attempting to hide it from each of them. Josh reminded him of something... something painful. He couldn't remember quite what, and he did not want to.

***

Thalor

The thought rung through Lai'ael. He was attempting not to take another two Earth years' nap. It was time to welcome all the individuals who had passed away on Earth back to the Ethers. A small handful may ascend. The rest, however, will be welcome to spend time in the Ethers to reflect, spend time with soul ties and family, reflect on lessons learned, lessons and opportunities missed, and have a chance to do it all over again, in a life of their choosing.

The process was a complex one, choosing the life form, looking at potential paths. Each human at least, was offered a potential map, the humans called astrology. Though many put extreme merit in this and not just live. There are not give cheat code. Solis guide, Solwyn learn.

Lai'ael went to Thalor. But simply existed and did not engage. He could not be bothered. He had attended hundreds of thousands of these, both a Solis and Solwyn.

"It seems like an eon since I've seen you" Eglis, formally Anish, retorted as they approached Lai'ael. They were a soft baby blue and one of the younger Souls. They would have several more lifetimes to go.

Lai'ael pulsed a hello in soft green hughes. He simply did not have the energy for much more. Eglis, seeming to pick up on such, went to find Enni, their Solis, and reconnect with any Soul family. Lai'ael had Soul family that he would connect with often, Fyniti being his closest and most favored, sharing jsut about each and every lifetime with them. Though thinking about it he was unsure when the last time he made and effort to do so was...

***

Halorn was a meeting where council members, the oldest, most experienced, wisest members of the Souls, would discuss the Ether, Earth, new ascendants, and so on and so forth. Lai'ael did not see the put of such but was of course, one of the council members.

Lai'ael, however, was met with a surprise, when he was informed of his invitation to rest in the center and not at his usual place within the council.