The Apology

Uncle George was one of a kind, and not kind about it at all.

“Oh no. It’s Uncle George. He’s going to invite himself to our Thanksgiving dinner.” Mandy visibly shuddered as she prepared herself to greet the estranged family member. “Don’t ask about how he's been doing. You’ll regret it.”

Ed didn’t mind more family. Both sides of their clans were large in size. One more wouldn’t matter. “Want me to handle him? You’ve got everything else to take care of.”

The obvious look of relief made Ed wonder what he was getting himself into.

“Hello there. Welcome. Nice to meet you. Happy Thanksgiving.” Ed offered his hand.

“What’s so happy about it? I’ve come to settle things.”

Uncle George hunched his shoulders and began doing a little pre boxing dance. Ed was a little startled but decided to play along to keep things from escalating. “Hey. Nice form. I’ve done a little boxing myself. Where’d you train?”

The light punch Ed sent to his gut laid Uncle George on the ground. Groans. Rolling around. More groans. A few left over gasps. “Sorry. Guess I don’t know my own strength. Let me help you up.”

Uncle George fumbled up from hands and knees. “What did you do that for? I don’t even know who you are.” He pushed away Ed’s helping hand.

It was easy to avoid his right swing. Ed leaned aside. Mandy, bearing a Thanksgiving plate, appeared suddenly in his place. Uncle George’is fist connected, sending food flying and pumpkin pie landing splat in his face.

“Tastes good, doesn’t it?” Ed enquired encouragingly.

“Oh, Uncle George. Why do you always make a mess of things?” Mandy implored.

“Mandy? Is that you?” Uncle George spit out the question along with pieces of pie crust. Cranberry jelly spilled down the front of his shirt racing with mashed potatoes and string beans.

Ed pulled out his cellphone and began taking photos. “Stand a little to the left to capture your good side.”

“Yes, it’s me. Uncle George. I’m all grown up now, unlike you. Whatever are you so upset about?”

It was the wrong question to ask. Mandy knew it as soon as the words floated into the air.

“Take me to your father this instant. I want an apology.” Uncle George sputtered,

“I can’t. He died two years ago. Where were you then, Uncle George?” Mandy sputtered right back.

Other family members, attracted by the commotion circled around.

“I want an apology. I won’t leave until I get one.”

Mandy and Ed looked at each other. Questions flew at them. “What’s he want?”, “An apology for what?”, “Who started this fight?”, “Someone call 911?”

“What is Mandy apologizing for?” asked Ed, into Uncle George’s face.

“Butt out, Jack. This isn’t your affair.” Uncle George’s left swing would have connected, if he hadn’t stepped on a pile of slippery meat mince pie.

“Down for the count of two,” Ed surmised. “Third time and you’re out.” He rolled up his sleeves preparing for battle.

“Leave the poor man alone,” shouted a nameless voice followed by a flying cherry pie. Ed ducked but Mandy didn’t.

“Not fair!” Shouted another resolute command, followed by balled up mashed potatoes in the opposite direction.

Poorly aimed ham and turkey slices sailed in every direction. A food fight erupted.

Mandy got lifted by Ed, onto a now empty picnic table. “Just stop!”

Surprisingly, everyone did, even Uncle George, licking grease from his fingers from a turkey leg handily thrown his way. “I still want an apology, Mandy, in front of everyone.” he muttered into the sudden silence.

“Anyone hurt?” Ed called out, eyeing Uncle George with renewed intent of imminent harm.

“Not yet!” A husky voice yelled. “It was close. What were we fighting about?” another asked.

Through gritted teeth, Mandy answered, “As long as everyone is right here, get in a line and we’ll take our family picture of me apologizing right down to our posterity.”

Several adults, with egg on their faces, began assembling the throng. Uncle George sat before them all in a folding chair with a sneer screwed tightly onto his lips. “It’s about time.”

The family dog began fighting him for the smeared remains plastered on his shirt and pants. The folding chair went over backwards spilling following laughter from the guests.

“Did you hear me, Uncle George? I apologized.” called out Mandy.

“Doesn’t count. Besides!” Uncle George raised a shaking fist before his body followed. “You let your dog loose on purpose. You have more to apologize for.”

He was still railing, following Mandy around as she organized the cleanup party. Ed had been listening, trying to decipher what he was talking about. “You mean, you’re mad at Mandy’s father, your brother, because who was supposed to host Thanksgiving dinner got mixed up. You were left with a week’s worth of food and no guests? That’s what the problem was?”

“He never apologized and neither has Mandy,” Uncle George exploded the words with gusto. “I have a bill for all that food I bought that she needs to pay as part of her apology.”

“Let me see that, Uncle George,” Mandy yanked the bill out of his hand. “Wait here.”

She came back with a type written apology for any remembered family insult and any future one that might mistakenly take an old one’s place. She handed it silently to Uncle George along with a check for the amount on the bill. “Now, get lost, before you trip over your own two feet and end up suing us for damages.”

“That is an insult,” Uncle George began building up steam as Ed, Mandy, and the family dog retreated inside their house.

“Look.” Ed said, pulling the window curtains aside as a police car flashing its lights, stopped by Uncle George. “One of the neighbors must have called the cops.”

‘Disturbing the peace.” Mandy nodded while humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic. “It was me. As long as he wants another apology, I gave him something worth apologizing for.”