Architect Of Dreams

A man learns that his late daughter has been keeping an eye on him from the afterlife.

I was running through a beautiful forest, lit up by the glow of a classic sunrise on the horizon. A pink cat running alongside me, almost following, but staying enough ahead at times it seemed to be guiding me. The cat I hadn't seen before, but it seemed all so familiar. We were running towards the sunlight, as the sun came up the light grew brighter.
With the speed we were maintaining, I should've been pouring sweat and out of breath, but I wasn't. I was pushing forward with ease, gliding through the trees. I could hear birds singing their songs, enjoying their lives out in the wild. Some looking for a mate, others enjoying the views somewhere between the tops of the trees and the clouds above.
As we got further through the endless trees, and the sunlight grew more intense, I could feel myself getting lighter in a sense, almost lightheaded, but I felt perfectly fine. The pink cat aligned directly in front of me and sped up, I was barely keeping up at this point. The light was getting more intense and I could barely see what was in front of me. Dodging tree limbs as soon as they come into sight, jumping over fallen trees.
The light grew so intense that I could no longer see the trees in front of me, I couldn't see anything. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even hear the birds anymore. I rubbed my eyes and opened them to see an enormous, beautiful landscape. I was standing on the edge of a mountaintop, overseeing a lush valley in-between two other mountainous peaks. The sun was gone, but the ground was well-lit. The night sky was out of this world, a telescope-perfect view of the stars above. The moon was twice it's regular size, glowing a yellowish white. The pink cat rubbed against my pant leg and purred.
I woke up in a sweat, out of breath, and confused. I couldn't really make anything of the dream I just had. I checked my phone for the time and realized it was only 5 minutes before my alarm would go off. It was time to get up anyway.


I began my day by popping a nicotine pouch in my lip and grabbing my phone. I went to the bathroom to sit for half an hour doing nothing but doom-scrolling. I didn't have work for about 5 hours, so I had plenty of time. I'd get nothing done, the blue light from the screen would be the only thing that felt consistent. I had been stuck in a depressing cycle of doing nothing but work. I hardly ate, never slept well, and only had the energy to go to work and come back home. I would see my brother and dad quite often, they lived in the same apartment complex as myself.
After completing my morning of nothing, I went to see my dad before going to work. There I'd get high, smoke a cigarette, and fill the last few moments before heading to work doing more of nothing. In reality, I was doing hardly anything in my life besides work. As it came time to get ready for work, I got my knife bag and gave my dad a hug.
The drive to work had become something of a bad thing for me. I would always head out kind of zoned out, not because I was high, because I was **always** high, but just being alone in my car for 30 minutes was becoming a time for me to really think too deeply about things. Instead of listening to music, I listened to my thoughts. I sometimes cried from the time I pulled out of the parking lot until I got to work. On several occasion, I cried during work as well. Everyone there knew I was going through it, no one was out of that loop.
I got a job as a chef somewhere I would normally be over the moon to be a part of. Don't get me wrong, the place is amazing, the people are fantastic, the food is incredible, but depression has a way of twisting you in so many ways it's hard to see what's right in front of you, and even if you do see it you may not process it for months. Working there was intense at times, which was great for me. We were doing on average 180-200 covers a night on reservations, 75+ at the bar, and additional walk-ins and to-go orders. Continuously pushing for higher quality food for our customers, we would be in the running for a Michelin Star in the next year, so it's a very surgical, high-stakes environment.
This night, I got lucky enough to get out of work on time to see my dad and brother both awake before I headed to my place for the night. "Hello! Jerry!" My brother hollered as I walked in their door. "Jerry!" I could hear my dad but couldn't see him. He was probably on the balcony smoking a cigar. "Jerries! Hello!" I hollered back. It was a joke we would say often when I showed up, from the show *Seinfeld*, which we watched regularly. I met my dad on the balcony and my brother followed. We talked about our recent work-days, games we had played recently, things we had watched. My brother brought up how beautiful it was on a hike we went on last year. "It was amazing, the very top was just crazy beautiful. You could see halfway across the whole city. Imagine being there at night, all the city lights." He was right, that would be awesome. I proposed we go see it sometime, knowing we would absolutely not do that. We made "plans" often but never put forth the effort to make anything happen. It was my depression, maybe he was depressed too, but we just did not do anything.
It was another cold night. The weather had been interesting lately, it was the middle of December in Colorado, it should've been much colder all day every day, but highs were in the upper 50's to mid 60's believe it or not. As a matter of fact, later that year on Christmas it was a high of 65! I still decided to leave my car over at their place, since it was only about 2 minutes of a walk to get to mine. I got home and unwound. That would mean just taking my jacket off and taking a shot or two, hitting the bong, popping a lip pillow. Half of these nights I would fall asleep with one in my lip, but this night I didn't. The room was filled with bong smoke that was slowly fading away. My eyelids grew heavier, and as the smoke faded away, as did my consciousness.


I opened my eyes and everything was still hazy, somehow more than before. It quickly faded away, almost magically in a circular motion. I was in a field surrounded by trees, with one familiarity nearby. The Pink Cat walked by my leg and rubbed against me again, and slowly started walking towards a couple of trees, looked back at me as if to make sure I was watching, then started off into the trees. I, of course, followed post haste! We ran and ran, I felt as though I should be running out of breath, but I just kept going. As we reached the end of the trees, the haze returned, almost making it impossible to see. I could only tell that I was nearing a cliff of some sort, we slowed down.
I was on the hilltop, the one my brother mentioned. I turned around and the trees we just came out of were gone. It was night time but warm, as if the sun was directly overhead. The stars were shining brighter than I've ever witnessed. I saw several shooting stars, right then I noticed the smell in the air. It smelled like my old home, kids running around, I could smell my dogs, not a bad smell just a dog smell. I knew they weren't there and it didn't make me sad, I enjoyed every bit of it.
I looked down across the city, all the lights made a beautifully designed artwork. There was a faint glow above, below, and on both sides of the main part of the city, where the lights were more intense and close together. The lights were glowing so intensely there, they almost had a sort of heartbeat, I could see it. I was staring closely at the lights, I could feel the beating. It felt like it was my own heartbeat on display in the whole city.
In the corner of the city, closest to the hill, there was a small figure. It seemed to be adjusting or placing one of the city lights! I couldn't tell who or what it was, but I felt this pull in my chest, like my heart inflated. I felt an incredible amount of warmth, like I was being hugged and my soul was too. I could only see their hands near the light as I tried to make out the details. Small, petite hands, childlike. This was a little girl. I ran down the hill trying to see her more closely. Dodging through the trees and over the rocks, I kept losing sight of her, and moments later seeing her again, just a little closer. I was in such a rush, that even in my dream, my clumsy ass figured out how to slip and fall.
That was it. I woke up in a sweat, got up and went to the bathroom. I washed my face and thought about the dream. Like most dreams, I only remembered parts of it, but this time I could remember most of it, with only a couple of hazy parts.


As the next couple of months went by, I would have more dreams of the Pink Cat. She would appear in seemingly random parts of my dream, sometimes just for a moment and then gone. On one particular night, I dreamed a wonderful dream, in which I was back in time a couple of years. Me and the family were all together out in the yard playing and laughing, we had two dogs, whom did not like cats. However, the Pink Cat rolled right on through the yard and the dogs didn't even seem to notice. She walked by me, rubbed against my leg and looked at me, dead in the eyes, let out a gentle purr and walked out of the whole dream.
I found this comforting, confusing and fascinating. I never really liked cats until I had my daughter, and she absolutely loved little kitties. We had gotten her several little kitten toys and plushies, they were all over the place. I kept thinking about the cat for a long while, and thought maybe that's why it kept appearing in my dreams.
These months were nice for me, with Thanksgiving and Christmas, with New Years around the corner meant plenty of reservations, events, features on the menu and generally just a ton of work coming up. Working some of my days off, coming in early and staying later. Paychecks would look nice, back would be sore. Perfect for someone always in their own head.
Most days during the week of Thanksgiving, the week of Christmas and through the week of New Years were the kind of days that become a blur, because each day is continuously jam-packed busy from start to finish. This would be perfect, as the holidays have been had become a very emotional time for me. Coming in to start my work-day with a large list of prep every day, getting large tables sat immediately or just before opening.
One especially busy night, just before Christmas, I was sweating over the grill, using a grill brick and oil I scrubbed away. Smoke rose from the contact, hot oil spilling back and forth as the grill brick scratched the burn marks on the surface. A tiny bit of sweat dripped off my nose and onto the grill. *PSHHH* You could see vapors rise immediately and hear the sweat boil on, and off the grill. I wiped the sweat from my face with my chef coat sleeve and re-scrubbed the area.
"Hey man, a few of us are going to Jay's for a drink after we get off, you wanna go?" James asked. "I'm actually busy tonight, going to hang out with my brother. Thanks, though!" I responded, knowing damn well I had zero plans that night. These outings haven't always been for me, every now and then, maybe. I finished my closing duties, helped everyone else out, and got out of there. I felt an uneasiness on this night. I had a serious void in my heart, something big in my life was missing and it would never be back. Some days were a hair easier than others, but all difficult. Tonight was one of those nights that all of the difficult emotions involved come creeping up and become overwhelming. Work was where I could stay focused on something enough to get out of my own head. The guys went out to their good times and drinking, and I went home to my weed and solitude.


I had another dream that night, one that started off quite peculiarly. It began, somehow, inside another dream. Initially, I was in a forest, the vibes were grim, brutal even. In the middle of an abandoned town, completely dark, wind blowing cold air, even the moon above seemed sort of flat. I walked and felt an emptiness, the same emptiness I feel after work when I get home to only my thoughts.
I was walking through the town, seeing empty buildings left and right. No cars, no people, no animals. No signs of life aside from my quiet walking through the center of the road. I saw a couple of rocking chairs in front of a home, on a nice wooden porch, slowly rocking in the wind. One of the chairs rocked a little harder, and a figure appeared to be standing beside it.
"Hello?" I asked. "Who are you?"
Within a fraction of a second, like you'd see in movie with a big WHOOOSH, everyone in the dream world spun around me, became a huge blur with myself in the center.
Suddenly it was only myself and the figure, we were in a location I'd never seen before. Greenery all around, Ivy plants all over. The walls were covered, with roots spanning across the ceiling of the room. There were 3 walls, with a long hallway at the 4th. The hallway continued the trend of plants, the smell was so fresh, like a garden center in the middle of summer, right after a good watering.
"We spent some time together, just not enough." I didn't know what to say. I stood there, frozen in dream-time. "Are you real?" That's all I could think to ask. This didn't feel like a dream, I felt alive, real, I felt the presence of this person next to me.
"I'm real, I've been helping you. You're in a bad place, I see how difficult things have been. I can't stand to just watch you suffer," she explained, "so I come here every night, I design these places to help bring you peace."
"And the Pink Cat?" I inquired. "She's mine, I also created her. She helps get your attention wherever you are, and she helps me keep eyes on you."
"Daddy, you need to open the door." She said.
"Daddy..." I repeated.
This wasn't just a little girl in my dreams, this was my sweet little girl, my sweet Ivy Lyne. Gone too soon, she's been gone over a year and life would never be the same. I was indeed in a dark place, struggling just to survive day-to-day. And even after death, my little girl was looking out for me.
"Door?" Was all I could say. I was in shock, realizing who I was speaking with. I blinked and a door appeared in front of me, glowing with an aura I'd never felt before.
I looked around and couldn't see anything but Ivy plants and the door. But I could feel her presence. "I love you, please take care of yourself," her voice slowly faded away. I could feel myself holding onto what she said, trying not to let it go, as I reached for the door handle.
As I pulled the door open, I felt the weight of the world come up and off my shoulders, relief in it's finest form.


My eyes opened, I felt different. New. I remembered every bit of this dream, every second. I could feel her with me. I got up that day with purpose.