Naked

A reflection on realizing I misunderstood love. (CW: lack of consent, emotional distress)

I wish I could get naked for you
Show you my core, it's blue
Rebuild myself from the ashes you blew
Exhibit the scars you so painstakingly drew
Because every time you stripped me
Out of my covers
Out of my esteem
You forgot to wait
Softly persisted till I said yes
But in the end, you knew
When you held me in place
Unlatched my bra, forced off my pants
That only
one
of the two had ever affirmed

But does it really matter?
I laughed with my friends till I cried
Told them you loved me too much to wait
Told myself you loved me too much to wait
You cried the first time
But then did it again
Second, third, fourth
But who can I complain to?
Because I believed
Accepted
Adapted
to your "love"
Even though I knew
That only
one
of the two had ever affirmed

Now I sit with this feeling
It claws my throat for release
But there is none left to listen
For the judgement is passed before the story,
The judgement that I myself knitted on the way back home
To save myself from the inevitable truth
The truth that no one will now believe
Forever buried in me, the truth
That only
one
of the two had ever affirmed