In-Between Time

Waiting for the biopsy results of a loved one.

In-Between Time

“They found a 4cm mass
on your father’s right lung,”
my mother told me
over the phone
2,000 miles away.

I waited in stunned silence
for the punch line.

“They also see
something smaller
on his adrenal gland.”

Some punch line.

“They’ll do a biopsy on Monday,”
she continued,
calm yet manic
at the same time,
if that’s possible.
“We should have the results
a few days later.”

         And so now we wait.

I hate this waiting,
this not knowing anything
for sure,
this “in-between” time.

It’s hard not to worry,
not to assume the worst
as I sit by the phone
with a sense
of anticipation
and dread.

But I also
find comfort
in this waiting time --
         in not knowing the truth yet
         in this “in-between” time
                   this time of innocence...

It all depends on the outcome.

Good news?
         I can’t wait to hear it.
                   And I'll feel relief
                   and anger
                   for having to wait
                   so long.

But
if it’s bad news,
         I’d rather stay here
         in-between knowing
                   and not knowing
for a while longer
         before having to face
                   reality.