Texanese

Just a little somethin' for those of y'all out yonder not from Texas!

As a fourth generation native Texan I thought I
would share a few of the things I have learned
in my years of living in this Heaven on Earth
located south of the Red River and north of
the Rio Grande. I can personally attest to the
following points as being true.

Roadrunners don't say "Beep
Beep."

There are 5,000 types of snakes and
4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders.
10,001 live in Texas.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it
bites.

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree. Same
goes for a Bois d'Arc tree

Pecan is pronounced "puhcon."
Yankees call them "pee-cans". My
grandmother made the best pecan pie I ever
ate.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle.
They do get stuck.

Texas has 6 seasons:
Spring, Feb 16 to April 15
Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98
degrees)
Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100
to 115 degrees)
Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98
degrees)
Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1
Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15

The wind blows at 90 MPH (THIS IS
EXCESSIVE) from Oct. 2 until July 15, then it
stops totally. (This does not apply to West
Texas where the wind never stops)

"Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic
and they multiply even faster than
rabbits.

Coldbeer is one word.

"Great big" and "Little Biddy" are the only sizes in Texas.

People actually grow and eat Okra - - and
what's more, they like it. I was 15 years old
before I realized Fried Okra was two
words.

Texans really don't have an accent -- it's
the rest of the world that talks funny.

When the world ends, only cockroaches
and mesquite trees will survive.

Green grass DOES burn, as does your
skin if you don't run fast enough to the next
shade tree.

When you live in the country, you don't
have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at
your gate in the middle of the night. Cats come
and go as they please and they keep the
snakes at bay.

The sound of coyotes howling at night
only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.
After that, you don't even notice them
anymore.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and
stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.

A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that
holds water for irrigation and is drinkable to
most of the livestock. And the Fish and Game
Dept. will help you stock them and then they
make good fishin' and swimmin' holes,
too.

"Bakards and Forards" means I know
everything about a subject or the way to go if
you're giving directions.

You work until you're done or it's too dark
to see. Then you get up the next morning
before it's light enough to see, and start
over

"Fix-n-to" is one word - - and probably one
of the most used words in the true Texan's
vocabulary.

"Over Yonder" is a direction and not a
distance. Yankees have no concept of
yonder.

Y'all is plural! Only people trying to be
Texan use it as a singular

All true Texans have had their pictures
taken in a field of bluebonnets at least
onced.

The final "g" in a word is silent,
ex. ridin' and ropin'

And the most important thing ...There's no
place I'd rather be than Texas!