I Know . . .

Written after an upsetting phone call with my dad 6/8/02

I Know ...

I know that you are sick.
I know that you feel like hell.
I know that you are tired of it all.
I know that you are hurting.
I know that you are scared.

I know that I don't know
what you are going through
or what it's like
to be going through it.

I know.  
I really DO know.

But do you have any idea
what it's like for me
to watch you waste away in that bed?
Do you know what it's like for me
to watch your hair fall out in clumps
to see your vacant expression when you sleep
to hear the resignation in your voice
over the phone from 2,000 miles away?

Do you know how scared I am
that you are just going to give up
give in
wither away
without a fight?

*****

Do you have any idea
how much I love you
and how afraid I am to lose you?

Do you know?