My experiences coming out to my friends
| It’s hard for me to believe that it’s only been four months, no not even four months yet. It was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. People talk about courage, now that was courageous. I had no idea what was going to happen, and if I had known, I’ll be the first to tell you, I never would have done it. I had been thinking about it for a while, but whenever it came up, I denied it. I needed to tell someone, anyone. I told Laura, I knew she would support me, hell we had just come from a discussion about it together just minutes before.
We left the forum. This is it! “I need to talk to you.” I started it, now there was no turning back. All during break we didn’t talk. Second period came around. We sat next to each other, like we always have. “I have something to tell you.” What happened after that is all a blur to me now. I remember sitting there, looking at her with tears in my eyes and just repeating over and over again, “I’m…I’m…I’m…” She just stared at me, the whole time all she did was stare. “You know what I’m going to say, so why can’t you say it for me?” I laughed. It was the kind of laugh that just comes out when you’re nervous.
She looked me straight in the eye, “I want to hear you say it.”
I hid my face with my hand. “I’m…I’m…I’m…bisexual.” I had said it; I actually said it, yet I was crying even more than before.
She hugged me and I think we ended up in the bathroom talking so I wouldn’t attract any more attention than I already had.
At first she didn’t believe me… But the more we talked about it, the more she understood. It was so much easier to tell the second person. It was Emily, my heart and soul. She is now my biggest support. I would not have survived without her.
I have told many people since that day, but that first time was the hardest.
Courage is a funny thing, you know? I didn’t know I had it in me to do what I did, but apparently, it was somewhere inside there. It is defined as a lack of fear, but that definitely wasn’t me, because I was scared out of my mind. For me, courage is doing something, not knowing what will happen, being scared of the results at times, but doing it anyway. I was very courageous that day, and have grown more courageous with every person I have told. The only thing that I have done that is more courageous than coming out, is writing this paper, because I’m not sure how or if it will be accepted. And the only thing that I ever will do that is more courageous than all of this, is tell my mom.